The Path Out of Lonelinessಮಾದರಿ

Welcome to day two. I was intrigued by this quote by Carlos Ruize Zafron where he says, “Over-time, loneliness gets inside you and doesn’t go away.” Though I am not sure I fully believe this seemingly hopeless statement, it does create an interesting word picture as you think about it. Loneliness inside of you and me? When loneliness attacks it does feel like it has invaded our space and our soul. Our mind, our emotions, our spirit, and our bodies can all be affected by loneliness. And it does truly feel like it’s inside of us. An unwelcome visitor.

This can be an overwhelming and defeating feeling. What do we do with this? How do we confront this unwelcome visitor within ourselves? How do we begin to make steps of walking loneliness out?

First, we must call it what it is. Call it out. We must put words to the loneliness. And so, I want you to write this down.

“I am feeling lonely because __________.”

Write that down. What is your answer? Call it out. When we externalize these things, it become more real to us and it becomes more tangible in a way that we can practically begin to deal with this.

Second, embrace the tension. Now you might be thinking, Mark, what do you mean by embrace the tension? When we are confronted with things that are difficult oftentimes we tend to numb or ignore or avoid, and what happens then is that loneliness begins to spread like a virus within us. If we call it out, if we pay attention to it and we sit with that tension, it becomes something that we can work with, we can engage tangibly. Go back to that sentence that you just wrote down “I am feeling lonely because __________.” What emotions come up for you as you look at that statement? What things come to mind cognitively that you struggle with as you sit with that? Embrace the tension.

Third, and this might be the hardest one ever and we talked about this a little bit on day one is you need to be vulnerable, you need to reach out to somebody. Do you have a friend? Do you have a family member? A Pastor? Do you have someone that you can reach out to, to engage in this conversation, engage in this struggle? And if you don’t, it’s okay to reach out to a counselor. But I encourage you, you need somebody to walk with you on this journey, to sit with you as you wrestle with these questions of why am I lonely? What emotions come up within that loneliness?

Finally, take a step back and recognize whose voice you’re listening to. Today I’m going to have you read John chapter 10:1-18. In the Message version, John talks about the voice of the shepherd (Jesus) as the one that will always speak life and always speak truth. The voice of the sheep stealer (Satan) will always speak lies and death. Oftentimes if we’re not paying attention, we can get those voices confused. If we are listening to the voice of Satan, those whispers of loneliness can cloud our perspective and knock us off that path.

Questions for Reflection:

1. How is loneliness truly affecting you?
2. How is it affecting your mind and your body and your spirit? Not just your current situation, but go deeper. How is it affecting your mind? How is it affecting your body? How is it affecting your spirit?
3. Who in your life can you talk with? Write down some names, a short list of names. What are your thoughts about reaching out to that person? And if you don’t have somebody in your life, what are your thoughts about reaching out to a counselor?
4. Whose voice are you listening to in this moment? All of us have been led astray by the voice of Satan and so I don’t want you to feel shame or guilt if you’re listening to the wrong voice. This is a moment in time where you can shift who you’re listening to.
5. What needs to happen to re-center and begin to listen to the right voice? Is that finding accountability? Is that going back to church? Is that meeting with a counselor that can help keep you accountable? Is that sharing this conversation with a spouse or a family member? Who can be in your life to help you get back on the path of listening to the voice of the shepherd?