Encouragement For Bonus Momsಮಾದರಿ

Reminiscing 

by Karolyn Dicken

I don’t know what it is about three day weekends, but they make me feel like I have all the time in the world to get things done. That is, until about 6 pm on Monday when I panic regarding all the necessary tasks I let go by the wayside in pursuit of my lofty goals. 

Last weekend was no different for me. Monday afternoon, I found myself updating my kids’ baby books, something I haven’t looked at in years. I finally took the time to put together the pictures I’d compiled for our oldest—my bonus son. For years, I’ve had pictures organized by his age before I was a part of his life. As I put them in the album, I started reminiscing. I looked at his sneaky smile as he cruised along in his walker. I noticed his soft curls as he sat on his Memaw’s counter, eager to help. I saw the look of joy as he rode with his uncle on a tractor for the first time. 

I was captivated by his innocence, youth, and joy. We’ve been so challenged by him lately. Granted, he is 13. But, we’ve also just recently started more of a 50/50 schedule with his biological mom, which is going pretty well—it’s just so different than the eight years we had him full-time. It’s an adjustment for all of us. Because of this schedule, I find myself getting stuck in the in-between. I’m wrestling with what is and isn’t worth a battle. I worry about if what we’re doing is enough or too much. I’m wondering if we’ve dropped the ball. You know, all the lies that can easily sneak into our minds as moms, particularly moms that don’t have a daily, consistent influence on their children. 

However, looking at those pictures renewed my energy to engage despite the frustration, push-back, and disappointment. Sometimes, it’s so easy to forget that the children you’re struggling with are the ones you were so excited about when they first came home or when you first found out you were expecting. We forget that they were full of the giggles and excitement and curiosity that little kids are made of. It was so sweet to be reminded of that anticipation and joy I had over becoming one of his parents almost ten years ago. I love the truth that “every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows” (James 1:17). But how often do I forget that?

QUESTION TO PONDER How did you feel when you found out you were pregnant or first expecting a foster placement, adoption, or stepchild? How has that perception changed throughout the years? How can we be praying for you and your children?

WHAT’S NEXT Go back through some pictures, a photo album, or memories on social media to remind yourself about the positive!