Encouragement For Bonus Momsಮಾದರಿ

Look at me   

by Karolyn Dicken

A few weeks ago, our oldest (my bonus son) looked at me and said, “Mom, I know you have a lot going on and you’re taking care of a lot of different things, but I just don’t feel like you really listen to me.”

Wow. Talk about a punch in the gut! His comment really struck me because I knew it was true—sometimes, I do have a hard time listening to him. I’m a talker, but his daily word count even puts me to shame! And so much of what he talks about I really don’t understand; video games, for example. However, here we are, with a thirteen-year-old son desperate to talk and connect with us, and I’m choosing to feel inconvenienced or bothered by that? How selfish of me! 

So for the past several weeks, I’ve chosen to really connect and truly listen. To make eye contact when he speaks. To turn towards him. To set my phone aside—even purposefully leaving it in a separate room, so I don’t get drawn in. I’ve asked questions related to what he’s talking about, even though sometimes I’m sure I sound completely ignorant! I’ve purposefully done this with our younger two as well. I’ve heard it said that we need to listen when they’re talking because even though it seems like small stuff, it’s the big stuff to them. And we always want them comfortable sharing any of the stuff that’s going on in their lives.

More than that, if I want to reflect our Creator, isn’t He intent on choosing to listen to us? About our trivial fears, our large concerns, our worries, our celebrations. He cares. He listens. He engages. He pursues and responds. I want my children to know and trust that about Jesus, so I’m trying to become more like Him. In Psalm 66:19 we learn that God attends to the voice of our prayers, that He is present, listens to, and gives care and attention to our voice. I want to do that more consistently with my children. 

QUESTION TO PONDER In what areas has the Lord been nudging you to become more like Him?

WHAT’S NEXT Prioritize connection this week. Work on making eye contact when your kids (and your husband) are talking to you.