Get the appUnequally Yoked In Marriage: Challenges And OpportunitiesSample
LIVING WITH AN UNBELIEVING SPOUSE
Perhaps you’re a Christian who is already married to someone who hasn’t made a commitment to Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord. What do you do in that case? Is it still possible to move forward in your marriage? How do you make the most of your “unequally yoked” relationship?
The answers to these are simpler than you may suppose. In many ways, it all boils down to treating your spouse just as you would if he or she were a believer. If you’re the husband, you’re to love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it (Ephesians 5:25). If you’re the wife, you’re to treat your mate with respect as head of the house (Ephesians 5:22-23; I Peter 3:1). In fact, it’s precisely because your spouse is not a Christian that it’s especially important for you to demonstrate daily what a Christian is. Your purpose: to attract your mate to a relationship with the Lord.
The apostle Paul advises that as the believer in the marriage, you’re to go the extra mile. Your first priority is your spouse’s spiritual welfare. It’s also important to keep in mind that your choices will affect the spiritual state of your children if you have any (1 Corinthians 7:14).
Does this mean it will be easy for you to live with a non-believing spouse? Hardly. Chances are it will be difficult and demanding. After all, the two of you operate in two different worlds. Trying to explain to a non-Christian spouse your deepest spiritual insights and feelings is like trying to describe color to a person who has been blind since birth. So be realistic about your situation. Remember that this is not a “preaching mission.” Don’t nag your spouse to “get right with the Lord.” If he or she is to be won at all, it will be through your love, respect, and quiet example of genuine godliness.
Here are a few principles to keep in mind as you face the daily challenge of walking through this world with a mate who doesn’t share your deepest spiritual commitments:
1. Be patient. Try to remember that God loves your spouse even more than you do. He may be taking your partner on a spiritual journey that you know nothing about. He may choose to use you in the process, but He doesn’t need your help. So don’t play the role of the Holy Spirit. Stay in prayer and trust the Lord to do what He wants to do.
2. Don’t stand in the way. While perfection isn’t possible or even necessary, your behavior can attract or repel your spouse where spiritual things are concerned. You’re living out what you’re experiencing with God. Is it appealing? Is your relationship with Christ making you a more enjoyable person to be with, or just a more religious one?
3. Be authentic. You should not only share your faith with your spouse, but your concerns as well. In other words, don’t be afraid to reveal your personal weaknesses. It would be hypocritical to pretend that you’re not worried when you really are, or that you don’t have doubts when you really do. Your transparency can be especially healing if your mate has felt – accurately or not – that spirituality has become a source of competition in your marriage. The spouse who struggles with faith issues needs a “safe” and gentle partner to come home to. A holier-than-thou approach is sure to deepen the divide – not only between your partner and yourself, but also between your partner and God.
4. Stay balanced. There’s no doubt about the importance of faith. But it’s possible to lose a healthy perspective when you’re worried about your spouse’s spiritual welfare. You can’t be too devoted to Christ, but over-spiritualization and hyper-religiosity will hurt your efforts as much as the opposite error of apathy.
5. Examine the reasons. Take time to explore and understand the underlying reasons for your spouse’s skepticism. What was his religious experience as a child? Was her faith nurtured or hindered? Was his parents’ faith real and meaningful or a hypocritical chore? The Bible is clear: we’re not authorized to judge others (Matthew 7:1). Sometimes in marriage we’re prone to judge because of what we know – or think we know – about our spouses. Only God can see the individual heart.
Perhaps you’re a Christian who is already married to someone who hasn’t made a commitment to Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord. What do you do in that case? Is it still possible to move forward in your marriage? How do you make the most of your “unequally yoked” relationship?
The answers to these are simpler than you may suppose. In many ways, it all boils down to treating your spouse just as you would if he or she were a believer. If you’re the husband, you’re to love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it (Ephesians 5:25). If you’re the wife, you’re to treat your mate with respect as head of the house (Ephesians 5:22-23; I Peter 3:1). In fact, it’s precisely because your spouse is not a Christian that it’s especially important for you to demonstrate daily what a Christian is. Your purpose: to attract your mate to a relationship with the Lord.
The apostle Paul advises that as the believer in the marriage, you’re to go the extra mile. Your first priority is your spouse’s spiritual welfare. It’s also important to keep in mind that your choices will affect the spiritual state of your children if you have any (1 Corinthians 7:14).
Does this mean it will be easy for you to live with a non-believing spouse? Hardly. Chances are it will be difficult and demanding. After all, the two of you operate in two different worlds. Trying to explain to a non-Christian spouse your deepest spiritual insights and feelings is like trying to describe color to a person who has been blind since birth. So be realistic about your situation. Remember that this is not a “preaching mission.” Don’t nag your spouse to “get right with the Lord.” If he or she is to be won at all, it will be through your love, respect, and quiet example of genuine godliness.
Here are a few principles to keep in mind as you face the daily challenge of walking through this world with a mate who doesn’t share your deepest spiritual commitments:
1. Be patient. Try to remember that God loves your spouse even more than you do. He may be taking your partner on a spiritual journey that you know nothing about. He may choose to use you in the process, but He doesn’t need your help. So don’t play the role of the Holy Spirit. Stay in prayer and trust the Lord to do what He wants to do.
2. Don’t stand in the way. While perfection isn’t possible or even necessary, your behavior can attract or repel your spouse where spiritual things are concerned. You’re living out what you’re experiencing with God. Is it appealing? Is your relationship with Christ making you a more enjoyable person to be with, or just a more religious one?
3. Be authentic. You should not only share your faith with your spouse, but your concerns as well. In other words, don’t be afraid to reveal your personal weaknesses. It would be hypocritical to pretend that you’re not worried when you really are, or that you don’t have doubts when you really do. Your transparency can be especially healing if your mate has felt – accurately or not – that spirituality has become a source of competition in your marriage. The spouse who struggles with faith issues needs a “safe” and gentle partner to come home to. A holier-than-thou approach is sure to deepen the divide – not only between your partner and yourself, but also between your partner and God.
4. Stay balanced. There’s no doubt about the importance of faith. But it’s possible to lose a healthy perspective when you’re worried about your spouse’s spiritual welfare. You can’t be too devoted to Christ, but over-spiritualization and hyper-religiosity will hurt your efforts as much as the opposite error of apathy.
5. Examine the reasons. Take time to explore and understand the underlying reasons for your spouse’s skepticism. What was his religious experience as a child? Was her faith nurtured or hindered? Was his parents’ faith real and meaningful or a hypocritical chore? The Bible is clear: we’re not authorized to judge others (Matthew 7:1). Sometimes in marriage we’re prone to judge because of what we know – or think we know – about our spouses. Only God can see the individual heart.
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About this Plan
Marrying someone who doesn’t share your faith in Jesus Christ is no casual affair. Disagreeing between chocolate and vanilla is a relational speed bump. Disagreeing between worldviews can be a mountain. Whether you became a Christian before or after you got married, or whether you’re single and dating or building a romantic relationship, let’s talk about the challenges and the opportunities that come with being in a spiritual mismatch.
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