Relationships: Passing the Vibe CheckSample

Day 7: High Maintenance Friends

Proverbs 22:24-25 New International Version (NIV)

24 Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, 25 or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.

I know that high-maintenance people might not necessarily be openly hot-tempered or angry, but they are manipulative and self-centered, which directly reflects an undercurrent of anger. You know the type. You've seen the guy who checks himself out in every mirror or window reflection, flexing just a bit to make sure the muscle is still there, adjusting the hair spike just so. I'm sure you've noticed the girl who wears all the makeup, needs the brand name clothes, purchases and flaunts the top fashion items from the sunglasses perched on top of her head down to her shoes. Underneath the beautiful-people exterior, these folks need to be in the spotlight. They are loud and demanding. If everyone in the room isn't paying enough attention to them, they create a dialogue or a scene to make sure their needs are met to their satisfaction.

A high-maintenance friend won't let you make decisions about activities and will always need to be in control. She will love and gush all over you if you are willing to keep her firmly placed at the top of the pedestal of your friendship. He will hang out with you when it's convenient for him, but will also dump you if a more interesting, high-profile invitation comes along. When it comes to true connections and vulnerability, a high-maintenance person's walls are sky-high. She won't let you see any struggle and covers herself with a plastic exterior, loudly proclaiming all is well and life couldn't be better. It's annoying, isn't it? I mean, who does that?

Honestly? Sometimes I do. And, you probably do, too. Everyone has the ability and/or the history of being high maintenance at times. I know when I’ve done it, and I feel awful about the situation. Being high maintenance, however, is more than showing an arrogant or tough exterior to cover up insecurity. It’s also more than having an affinity for expensive items or being needy.

The trouble comes when you feel control over your situation slipping from you, so you bump up the type-A-ness of yourself to reestablish control. Many times, jealousy is the catalyst. Maybe someone else is getting the attention you think you deserve for a job well planned and executed. Maybe your friend is spending more time with someone else, so you make a big production out of a budding friendship just to keep up, but when the old friend asks for a night together, you dump the new one.

Proverbs 22:24-25 is clear about the danger you allow in your life when you become or associate with high-maintenance people. I don’t know about you, but in my view, surviving in a life where you are trapped by angry and selfish “friends” doesn’t seem like a way for a Christian to live. Jesus and the Holy Spirit living within you bring freedom, not imprisonment.