Pursuing Your Spouse in Marriage | Part 1Sample

Speak Their Language

In today’s verses, we see the phrases “let us continue;” and “let us consider.” In each instance, this is active language, exhorting us to engage in considerate and faithful acts of obedience. If we put thoughtful and careful intention behind our action; and keep on being faithful in loving one another, as God has loved us, our marriage will continue growing in unity. As we love each other well, we reflect God’s love and bring Him glory!

What speaks to your spouse? What lets them know you want to know them better and understand them more? Their answers might not be what first comes to mind for you, or what you’d choose if you were asked. In fact, it seems to prove true that most couples would answer completely differently! So don’t assume, ask, and listen. Wisdom in our marriage relationship is no different than wisdom in all of life: It takes effort and energy; it requires searching and seeking, but it is by far worth the investment. Actively seek wisdom in knowing your spouse.

Ask them to write down several things you could do that would make them feel like a million bucks. Then – and this is the kicker! – follow through! Think of ways to love them well. Be intentional.

At the same time, if you’d really like to feel more pursued, be honest with your spouse. Don’t make them play guessing games about what speaks your language. Let them know a few simple things that really speak to you, not out of an expectation that they will check all the boxes. That is not realistic or fair to expect! But as a way to facilitate more wins for your marriage together.

If you’ve tried before and gotten crickets, or didn’t get the type of response you expected don’t give up. Christ loved us first, before we loved Him. Don’t give up. Instead, “let us continue to love one another.”

Going Deeper:

• Reflect on the truth that God loved you before you ever loved him back. How does that shape your perspective of God and his nature?
• Ask your spouse, “What makes you feel really known and loved by me?”
• Tell your spouse some things that help you feel known and loved in your marriage.