7 Day Married Couple’s Connection ChallengeSample

In Lamentations Jeremiah tells us to examine our ways and test them. Then, and this is key, he tells us to “return to the Lord.” We can examine our ways and then no matter what we find, we can choose to return to the Lord. We can choose to submit ourselves to God. If we assess that our ways are good and loving we can go to the Lord. If we assess that our ways are sinful or hurtful or misguided, we can still go to the Lord.

All throughout scripture we see God asking us to check ourselves, to search for wisdom, to seek understanding, to listen, to walk in wisdom and do the good thing we know to do.

When was the last time you did this when it comes to your emotions? Have you checked your emotions and submitted them to God? Have you turned your emotions over to the Lord?

Are you in touch with your emotions? Are you in touch with your spouse’s?

God tells us to examine our ways.Your marriage can only be as healthy as the two of you. Your part in that is to seek health for yourself. Being self-aware is a gift to yourself, your spouse and everyone around you. Many of us don’t have a good grasp on our emotions. We aren’t self-aware in the emotion department.

We don’t know what we are truly feeling and why. If we don’t even know what we are feeling ourselves, how can we let our spouse in to connect emotionally? We can’t.

Today let’s focus on getting aware of our own emotions and getting aware of our spouse’s. Then with that awareness, let’s go to the Lord no matter what we find.

Today we are going to spend time talking about feelings and practicing active listening. The active listening part is crucial here. Too often we hear our spouse but we aren’t really listening. Today let’s take Proverbs 18:13 to heart and listen and understand our spouse before moving on.

Here’s your challenge: Today your challenge is to connect emotionally. Share with your spouse at least 5 emotions you felt today. Share why you think you felt those feelings. Check out a Feelings Chart online (just google it!) for help identifying emotions that might not come to mind otherwise. Really think and pray about what you felt today before you share with your spouse. Be prepared to share 5 specific feelings you felt.

When your spouse shares their feelings with you, practice active listening. Here’s how:

• Make eye contact
• Put all other distractions aside
• Show with your body language and facial expressions that you are listening, but do not interrupt with your words
• Once your spouse shares one emotion with you, ask clarifying questions if you have any. Then practice repeating what you heard back to them.

Example: If your spouse says, “I felt frustrated when I had to schedule all the team’s meetings again even though it’s not part of my job. It’s a pain. I should be able to focus on my bigger projects. I don’t understand why my boss keeps treating me like her secretary when I was promoted years ago.”

You could say: “So it sounds like you were really frustrated by that task at work. It felt beneath you and you don’t enjoy tasks like that. You’re annoyed and you feel disrespected by your boss. Is that right?”

I know it might feel strange, but practicing this kind of communication can improve your understanding of each other and make your spouse feel really heard and validated.

After talking through your emotions, pray together about what you learned. You can pray:

“Lord thank you for this time together. Thank you for giving us our emotions. Thank you that we can always turn to you. Help us to examine our own ways and then to always turn to you. Help us to understand each other as a married couple. Give us understanding of each other and show us how to honor you together.”