Thrive: The Five Pillars of Fruitful RelationshipsSample

Confession Follows Compassion

Merriam-Webster defines confession as an admission or acknowledgment that one has done something that one is ashamed or embarrassed about. Confessing to someone can be difficult, uncomfortable, and downright scary. But it's less scary, when you know your confession will be greeted with compassion. Friendships full of compassion, will naturally be full of confession. Confession is the fifth pillar because it creates transparency and vulnerability in our friendships.

In our friendship, we’ve lost count of how many times we’ve had to call one another and say, “I have to tell you something.” The first time we confessed to each other, we were both nervous and afraid. It required a tremendous amount of vulnerability and trust to disclose our struggles, insecurities, and pain. It's still uncomfortable to confess, but with time and practice, it has become easier.

When we build friendships on a culture of confession, we are liberated from the shame associated with our secrets. Because we have a safe space to share, we replace the power of guilt and shame with the power of grace.

Confession has made our friendship deeper, our trust stronger, and our understanding of God’s grace clearer. 

Here are (5) tips we’ve learned about confession: 

1. Share Often: The longer we wait, the harder it is to share. 
2. Add Humor: Lighten the heaviness when appropriate. 
3. Use Discernment: Determine when to console or correct.  
4. Don’t Keep Track: It is not our job to keep a list of anyone’s mistakes. 
5. Give Reminders: Point the conversation back to God’s love and grace. 

Prayer: God, I know that you don’t want our confessions to be rooted in legalism or fear. You want hearts postured in true submission and repentance to you. Please let that be my heart posture as I learn to confess to you and those around me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Reflect: Are you struggling with shame? Take time to pray and talk about it with God. Then go to a trusted friend and open up about what you’re struggling with.