Raising Joy-Filled KidsSample

A key element of maturity is learning to keep relationships bigger than problems. This is especially important when it comes to correcting our children’s behavior. Mature parents focus on solving the problem in a way that keeps the relationship healthy. Immature parents just focus on the problem and forget about the relational impact of what they are doing. 

Paul told us to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Correction can be motivated by love (we want what is best for our kids, so we correct their behavior to set them up for success). But correction can also be motivated by fear, shame, anger, and disgust. When these negative emotions are controlling us, it can be easy to speak the truth without love. An important part of correcting with care is taking a moment to process our own emotions before we act. We don’t want to punish in anger or out of our own sense of shame or fear. We want to correct for the good of the child and in a way that keeps the door to relationship open.

• Buttons 

As parents, we all have triggers – things our kids do that push our buttons and send us into emotions we have trouble controlling. Maybe they say yes, then do their own thing first, often failing to ever follow through on the yes. Perhaps you tell them to stop playing with something, but they don’t. They just keep on doing it. Make a list of the top three to five button-pushing issues you face. Identifying them helps bring them into focus. When they happen, have a plan in place for how you are going to stay relational and act like yourself. Your plan might be: take a deep breath, remember something you appreciate about your child, validate the emotion you see, show some curiosity, then fix the problem.