Aftershock - Your Sexual Relationship With Your HusbandSample

The Necessity of Mutual Consent

Some women ask, Should I agree to engage in activities with my husband that I find highly undesirable or even offensive?

The answer to that question is “Absolutely not!” As part of the healing process, there will certainly come a time when you will want to resume normal sexual relations with your husband, as well as grow into your sexual future. But at no point is there any reason to subject yourself to sexual activities that violate your wishes or disregard your comfort level. If your husband demands this of you, you’ll likely need to take another respectful break from sex and talk through your differences as you seek to reengage in this important part of your marriage. During the course of those discussions, your husband will hopefully be growing and embracing the truth that marital sex is about love, and that love requires each spouse to treat the needs, feelings, desires, and preferences of his or her mate as matters of the highest priority. If something is a big deal to one partner, it’s a big deal to both.

Mutual consent is basic to all healthy sexual expression in marriage. Consent implies:

· that both parties know what’s proposed and expected.

· that they fully understand the physical and emotional ramifications of the suggested activity.

· that there is room for discussion.

· that both partners are always free to say a simple no, or anything along this spectrum, including “Not now,” “I would like to take time to consider my feelings about it,” or “I don’t think I’ll ever be open to that specific activity.”

Respect, humility, and forbearance, which are essential to all healthy human relationships, are each of great importance for you both.

Next, we’ll look at the Divine design of sex.