All the Feels: Take Charge of Your Feelings (Instead of the Other Way Around)Sample

When Dark Feelings Have No Purpose

A blistering wail pierces the night. My parents jolt upright in bed, hearts slamming against their ribs. The clock blinks 3:00 a.m. in unforgiving red numbers. Mom and Dad sit squinting at each other, doubting their own ears. Was there a noise?

Another scream: a muffled wail, a child’s voice. Dad flies down two flights of stairs in two kamikaze leaps. He flings open the door to find a small boy in airplane pajamas shrieking on the front mat, fists clenched, eyes wide. 

Dad gapes at him. “Liam?” he asks, recognizing the three-year-old from three houses down. “Liam, buddy, are you all right?”

It was days before Mom and Dad could tell this story without twitching. Turns out little Liam was a sleepwalker, and he’d climbed out of bed and wandered to our house, apparently dreaming about asking my brothers to play. When he got to our door, he woke up, disoriented and terrified.

Sometimes, like poor Liam, big feelings come pounding on our doors, and they don’t really have a purpose. We aren’t sure how they got there, or why. Some days we wake up and we’re just sad. No Big Bad Thing has happened—we just feel down. Sadness and anxiety have come calling, and they’re standing on the doorstep, hoping we will let them in. 

In times when I can find no apparent reason for my dark feelings, I find it helpful to take written inventory. I sit down with God and paper and pen and ask myself a few searching questions:

Did something bad happen?

Are you anxious about something in particular?

Do you feel unresolved in a conflict with someone?

Have you committed a sin you feel guilty about?

Sometimes my investigations turn up something I need to deal with—an explanation for the feelings, an issue I can address through prayer and conversation. But other times, I find nothing. The answer to all four questions is no. The feelings may feel real, but they have no real cause. When we feel sad or anxious for no clear reason, we are under no obligation to hang out with those feelings long term. We don’t have to invite them into our hearts. 

To help the dark feelings on their way, I find it helpful to write down Scripture or words of truth and repeat them to myself until the feelings gradually give up and stop knocking. In moments of emotional confusion, I cling to simple thoughts like these:

God loves me.

God is taking care of me.

God is “slow to anger, abounding in love” (Psalm 103:8, niv).

In Christ I am “blameless and pure…without fault.” (Philippians 2:15)

My feelings aren’t telling the truth. I may feel sad, but I don’t have to stay sad. I may feel anxious, but I don’t have to stay anxious.

There are days to be unhappy, but today is not one of them.

There are days to be anxious, but today is not one of them. 

These statements are simple, but that’s the whole point. Wild feelings respond best to simple realities.

Whatever feelings may be knocking on our hearts’ doors today, let us live unafraid. Let’s keep the door hinges oiled, ready not just to slam shut against the night with its gloom, but to swing open to welcome the joyful feelings when daylight returns.