All the Feels: Take Charge of Your Feelings (Instead of the Other Way Around)Sample

When Darkness Comes Knocking 

I spent years assuming that depression and guilt and any emotion that felt negative should be avoided as much as possible. As a big feeler, such feelings often hounded me . . . which left me feeling all the more discouraged, guilty, and nonspiritual. But in recent years, I have changed my mind. I’m learning that sometimes, when darkness comes knocking, I need to open the door and let it in.

The Bible teaches us that there is a season for every feeling. Solomon wrote:

There is a time for everything, 

     and a season for every activity under the heavens:

     a time to be born and a time to die . . . 

     a time to weep and a time to laugh,

     a time to mourn and a time to dance . . . 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-2, 4

I find Solomon’s truth relieving: 

There is a time to mourn.

There is a time to weep.

And there is a time to let go. 

In our lifetime, many different feelings will knock on the door of our hearts. All the feelings we experience—even the difficult ones—were given to us by God to help us experience, process, and learn from every facet of life. If we couldn’t feel guilt when we sinned, how would we ever grow? If we were incapable of grief when someone died, how could we ever heal? 

But perhaps a new way of thinking can give us a greater sense of emotional control: the knowledge that we get to stand at the door and decide which feelings come in, and when. Just because they show up doesn’t mean they get to unpack their bags for an indefinite stay. When feelings come knocking, we need to ask some questions: 

Which season am I supposed to be living right now? Mourning or dancing? Weeping or laughing?

How long should that season last? 

Are the feelings here for a good reason? Is this their time to visit, or did they come to the wrong house? 

These are not always easy questions to answer. Dark feelings can come calling daily, hourly, minute by minute. And sometimes it’s not just one dark feeling but a whole posse with torches and swords. In those times, thank God he has provided outside help: friends, therapists, mentors, counselors, and medicine. If dark feelings are knocking too often, I encourage you to call in reinforcements. Call in the SWAT team, if that’s what it takes. 

But in the meantime, don’t stop putting in the work in your head and heart. Don’t stop developing mental tools and a scriptural arsenal to bolster your ability to resist, to reinforce the strength of the door to your heart. Don’t stop learning how to help yourself even as you seek help from others. 

Whatever feelings may be knocking on our hearts’ doors today, we can live unafraid. As David and Solomon taught us, there is a time for everything, a season for every feeling. Not just mourning, not just wailing . . . but also dancing, singing—living life to the fullest—feeling all the feels, both the dark and the light.