7 Secrets to an Awesome MarriageSample

STOP: The Insanities That Hold Us Back

If we define insanity as the things that we do over and over expecting different results, most of us at one time or another can say, "That's me!" For example, if I think that I can go ten miles per hour over the speed limit on the freeway I take to work each day, but continue to get pulled over by the police and have a stack of speeding tickets, that would qualify as an "insanity". The reality is that this "insanity" does not hurt anyone but myself. But what about the insanities that I can have in my marriage? Those can be a different story.

Often in my marriage I have often found that my "insanities" center around my expectations. For instance, I may have an expectation that Nancy is to keep the house clean, do all the laundry, and prepare dinner every night. They are not bad expectations. But what if the reality is that Nancy has a full-time job and comes home in the evening just as tired as I do? What if I never tell her what my expectations are and then get upset with her when she does not do them? Get the picture? My "insanity" is having unrealistic expectations and then holding Nancy to them even though I never told her what they were. Now play that out over a few days or weeks. Each night I get angry at her. Each night she gets frustrated at me and cannot understand what is wrong. She begins to withdraw from me because I seem unfair and insensitive. As she withdraws, I come on stronger and my "insanity" is killing our marriage.

Take a look at your marriage. What are your expectations? Are they realistic? Have you shared them with your spouse? What if you both prayerfully made a list of your expectations and then shared them with each other? Then together decided what is realistic and what is not.

Paul lists the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22, 23. What if my expectation in marriage was that Nancy and I together would seek God's help each day to build love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control into our marriage? Would that make a difference? Would that solve the insanities that we could both bring into our marriage? Can you even imagine what a 'fruits of the Spirit" marriage would be like? If you cannot, God can, and He is there to help you build them into your marriage just as He would like them to be.

Prayer: As you make your lists of expectations, take them to God in prayer before you share them with your spouse. Let Him help you with your list. Then as a couple ask God each day to begin building the fruits of the Spirit into your marriage.