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What Is Love? 

There’s a song that came out years ago called, “What Is Love” by Haddaway. It’s one of those songs you don’t like very much, but can’t get out of your head! The song may not provide the best answer for love, but at least it got people thinking, what is love?

A few years ago, we (the Benhams) were on a panel with Dr. Tony Evans and a question about love came up. Dr. Evans responded, “Love is compassion with standards.” That definition strikes at the heart of love. When you love someone, you have compassion for them. We see this with Jesus in the Gospels. No matter who He encountered, He always showed compassion. But, that’s not all Jesus showed. Compassion alone isn’t love. True love is compassion with standards.

If a married person feels compassion for their spouse, but isn’t committed to living inside the rules of matrimony—then that relationship will not last. The rules (or standards as Dr. Evans put it) are the boundaries that protect the relationship. To put it another way. A relationship without rules leads to rejection. But, a relationship with rules leads to respect. 

The Apostle John gives us a picture of love when he says, “The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love” (1 John 4:8). God feels genuine compassion for each of us, but to have a loving relationship with Him—we must obey and follow His standards. Standards are designed to protect and preserve the life of the relationship we have with Him. 

In a culture that screams “Love Wins,” it’s important to know that love is more than compassion or feeling. So much of our culture only sees half of the picture of love. They love the compassion part, but not the standards part. They don’t want rules. They just want the relationship. It doesn’t work this way. Love is both. It’s about a covenantal relationship built on standards that transcend human beings. We know and act on love because we know the God of love. Anything less isn’t really love. 

So, if you really want to love someone, then honor them by building a relationship with them that has both compassion and standards.