Relationships 101Sýnishorn

How to Fight Right - Avoid negative name-calling

If the people in our lives became exactly what we called them, would it be a blessing or a curse? While God created the world with His words, we often call people names and don’t think there will be an effect. Proverbs 18:21 says that death and life are in the power of the tongue. Our words are powerful, and many times, it's our own words that are our greatest enemy. When we are frustrated, we declare the identity of the people around us by the frustration we are feeling at the moment. We begin cementing them to the part we don’t like.

In 1 Samuel 3:19, God didn’t let any of Samuel’s words fall to the ground. Are we blessing or cursing those around us? Are we speaking God’s Word, God’s plans, and how God sees them, or do our words line up with the devil’s desire and plans for them? Are our words prophecies for God or Satan to use? We often think that to speak a curse, we need a spell book or maybe a wand, but speaking negatively over someone or something’s identity or future is to curse it. In Mark 11, Jesus curses a fig tree. He didn’t get out a spell book. He said may no one ever eat fruit from you again. That is a simple declaration over its future. In verse 21, Peter comments that the tree that He cursed has withered.

Take a moment to think about what words you may have spoken over those close to you. If the words you have said aren’t in line with God’s plans for them, take a moment to write down words that agree with God. Apologize for the negative words you have spoken and speak words that line up with God’s words. Proverbs 11:12 says, "Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent."

Gentle answer - deflate the fight and let them save face

At the core of most fights is insecurity and pride. It's not that every issue is about insecurity and pride, but when we go to navigate the problem, challenge, or hurt when insecurity or pride affects the response, it goes from being a simple transfer of information into a fight. When we stay calm and examine the problem without getting worked up, we can deflate the emotional tension. Trying to control and manipulate situations through emotional intimidation is unhealthy but a common tactic that many of us have held onto since our 2-year-old emotional outburst and fits to try to get our way. When we respond kindly and in love and refuse to escalate to high emotions, we can deflate the situation from a fight to a discussion. Discussions are much more productive than fights. When things turn into a fight, people’s brains switch gears. The fight, flight or freeze tendency kicks in. Listening and understanding decrease. When fighting, normally, everyone tries to be heard, and no one listens. When we keep it calm and speak gently, we are able to navigate our challenges so much more effectively.