Relentless EmpathySýnishorn

RELATE!

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is beneficial for building others up according to their needs, that it might benefit those who listen.

Ephesians 4:29

The first action step of the Relentless Empathy C.U.R.E. process is to connect with other people. The second action step is to understand people. The third action step of the Relentless Empathy C.U.R.E. process is to relate with other people. In Ephesians 4:29, Paul encourages us to speak to others according to their needs. This is not natural! We tend to speak to others according to our needs. It takes a relentless person to sustain this shift of focus to relate to the needs of others. Erosion can creep in, and soon, we are back to putting our needs first.

Relating begins as we listen to what another person volunteers to share with us, but it does not end there. As we start to understand, we can encourage them to go deeper and talk about some of their inner emotional needs. The definition of relating in the C.U.R.E. process is “meeting relational/and or physical needs to help people heal from past hurts and feel empowered.” This miracle of God’s power being unleashed through empathy can be seen so clearly when the Bible says, "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2)

I used to think of needs as the basic requirements of food, water, shelter, or spiritual needs such as forgiveness. These are all important needs, but these are not the only needs people have. In addition to these physical and spiritual needs, we also have relational needs. Paul’s words in Ephesians 4 about speaking to one another according to their needs took on new relevance when I realized this reference to needs also includes the relational needs of others. That’s empathy. Relentless empathy is taking an interest in the relational needs of others with the same interest we take in our own relational needs. When relational needs are met, feelings of intimacy and connection result. When relational needs go unmet, a silent erosion creeps in, which leads to the chaos of Genesis 2. Understanding the relational needs of others is the essential gateway to speaking with others according to their needs.

Genesis 2:18 makes it clear that it is not good for man to be alone. There are five essential relational needs to combat aloneness and the ensuing chaos that comes along with it. These relational skills are easily remembered using the acronym C.A.R.E.S: Comfort, Attention, Respect, Encouragement, and Support.

Here is a definition of each:

Comfort: Allowing others to feel.

Attention: Listening to a person’s story and identifying their relational needs.

Respect: Showing honor to others above ourselves; allowing others to have a voice.

Encouragement: Fueling a person’s desire to meet their goals.

Support: Carrying one another’s burdens, thus fulfilling the law of Christ.

Relentless empathy continually seeks to meet needs as a relational warrior who combats aloneness in every person they encounter. The relational skills of the C.A.R.E.S. acronym offer an easy-to-remember framework for speaking to others according to their needs. Speaking to others according to their needs is not easy or natural. It requires humility and a great deal of focus. Mother Teresa once said, “Following Jesus is simple but not easy. Love until it hurts, and then love more..”

Reflection:

Make a list of people who meet these CARES needs for you. What do those people teach you about empathy?

Which of these five relationship skills do you need the most? Which of the five relationship skills needs your attention for the good of others?