He Gives More Grace: Encouragement for Moms in Any SeasonSýnishorn

Day 3: When You’re Out of Your Depth...

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:5

One of our children tends to feel her feelings very deeply. She’s a passionate, funny, and sensitive little girl. But when she makes a mistake, sins, or feels embarrassed, those strong emotions swing from one extreme to another within nanoseconds. And in those moments, I sometimes feel paralyzed as her emotional volcano erupts in front of me. At other times, I wrongfully erupt right back.

But God has been gently prodding me in those moments to take a deep breath, stop, and pray before I react. I may not know how best to respond in these moments, but I have a perfect Father who does. And God tells us, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

When we feel our lack, we have this incredible promise. God will be faithful to give us the wisdom that we need in these moments—if we ask. This means that, having asked him for wisdom, we can proceed with a conversation or decision, knowing that God is guiding us into what is wisest, even if it doesn’t feel like that or we can’t see him doing it.

And I have seen him be faithful in doing so time and time again.

Recently, one of these conflicts occurred between two of my children, landing me in one of those difficult “gray areas.” As I tried to step in to calm the situation, my daughter (who had been the one at fault) erupted in tears with a louder scream than her little body should be capable of and ran upstairs in anger. As my brain tried to catch up with the speed of her emotions, I couldn’t make sense of her reaction when she was the guilty party in the conflict. After a few minutes, I joined her at the top of the stairs, feeling at a loss for words and unsure of how to get to the bottom of why she so often erupted and ran away when problems blew up—even those she caused.

As I sat next to her, trying to keep control of my own emotions, I silently prayed, “Lord, help me! I don’t understand her right now, and I don’t know how to handle this. Please give me patience and wisdom. Please help me help my daughter with her overwhelming feelings.”

I put my arm around her and just held her for a moment. As I did, a realization suddenly became clear. Her anger, tears, and seemingly impenetrable wall of emotion were rooted in something entirely different than I had first assumed. At the root of it all was shame. My sweet daughter was overcome with embarrassment, and ultimately shame, because she knew she had done something wrong. And in that shame, she wanted to run and hide, pushing away everyone around her.

In that moment, the Lord gave me the insight to ask questions that helped her make sense of what she was feeling. I then shared how I also struggle with feeling embarrassed and ashamed when I do something that I know is sinful, especially when I hurt those I love in the process. I asked her if she felt sad that she had hurt her sibling, and she nodded through her sobs. So I shared with her that we feel shame because we’re faced with the reality that we fall short of God’s holiness. And we naturally want to hide from it, like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. But that feeling of shame is meant to point us to Jesus, our Savior, who’s always ready to receive us with his love and forgiveness.

God’s grace to me in that moment was to give me the wisdom I needed but did not have, which led to an unexpected quieting of her emotions and a sweet conversation that allowed me to share with her the good news of the gospel in a fresh way. Did it keep her from ever responding that way again? Definitely not! But it planted seeds of truth that will in time, Lord willing, teach her to bring her strong emotions and feelings of shame to Jesus in repentance, rather than allowing them to consume her.

As we sat at the top of the stairs, God was teaching me just as much as I was teaching my daughter. And he was faithful in answering my cry for help in the process. The grace of God is to give wisdom when we ask.

GRACE IN A LINE

God will give me wisdom to parent well in every situation—I just need to ask.