Naming Your Unique PurposeSýnishorn

When I was ten years old, I went out to dinner with my dad. Our waitress was so kind and funny that she created such a fun atmosphere for our dinner. As soon as she walked away, I told my dad this. He said to me, “tell her that when she comes back and watch what happens because people don’t hear the good things enough.” So, I did. I don’t remember what I said, but I remember the joy of her smile. So, I kept doing more of that.

Over time, I realized that the more specific my affirmations were, the more they resonated with people. As I began managing teams and organizations, I realized that when specific strengths are called out, it helps people recognize them, see the value of them, and intentionally practice using them more.

I love affirmations, both giving them and receiving them. When some cultures think of the concept, they cringe. It feels awkward and uncomfortable. Yet, when I have specifically affirmed colleagues in those parts of the world, people come to me in tears saying they’ve never been told by a boss what they were good at! They have only been told where they need to improve. Their performance always strengthened as a result of those affirmations.

Yes, humility is important. But naming is powerful. Humility without the power to name strengths is just false humility. The naming of strengths without humility is uninformed pride. When used together, humility + naming can be transformational.

To understand what we were made to do, we must know how to name what we are good at doing. This is really hard to do on our own, and here’s why. The things we are the best at feel like second nature. We usually don’t even know we are doing them, let alone doing them in a way in which others benefit. They just feel so normal that we think everyone can do them. We don’t feel special. We need someone to help us name what we do.

First, start making a list of the things you know that you do well. Next, think back on any positive feedback or affirmations that you’ve received. Pay attention to phrases like “I can’t believe you can …” or “I wish I could do …. like you can.” Then start to compile a list of what others have noted you do well. The next step is the one that only the brave can do: ask people around you what they think you are uniquely good at.

Now, since most people haven’t practiced giving specific affirmations, they may give you general affirmations like “you’re amazing at your job” or “you treat our clients really well.” Follow up and ask for an example of something you did well. Ask them if there’s a special way that you make people feel…could it be safe, special, valued, heard, seen, etc. Ask them what actions you do that make people feel that way. These conversations aren’t just for your benefit; they are helping others practice affirming. More people will get to benefit.

Be brave: ask for affirmations. Be kind: generously give specific affirmations. Be wise: seek the Lord to interpret the affirmations you receive and to discern how to give affirmations.

What are some good things I make people feel/experience and by what actions?