Rooting Out Relationship KillersSýnishorn

Trustworthy

Trust is relationship glue. The depth and strength of a relationship is inextricably linked to the trust between the people in it. As trust builds, so does the relationship. As trust declines, so does the relationship.

That’s why Jesus modeled transparent honesty in all his relationships and encouraged us to do the same by letting “our yes be yes and our no be no” (Matthew 5:37).

We enter every relationship with a measure of mistrust but gradually, as we get to know each other better, mistrust is replaced by trust and it establishes itself at a level appropriate for the relationship. Trust can take a long time to build, especially if we have been let down by people before. We must, therefore, be ruthless with the smallest weed of mistrust that pops up in our relationship soil.

Every small lie, little deception or half-truth is a little weed of mistrust. And their roots quickly spread and become more entangled if allowed them to continue unchecked. So root them out!

The weed of mistrust has only one remedy: the feed called “being trustworthy”. And that can take a long time. So we sometimes reach for other much-needed relationship feeds to tackle it, but without success. None are able to deal with the weed of mistrust like being trustworthy. Let me explain…

It is not a “promise” issue. The answer to mistrust is not found in promising, “I will never to do it again” or “You can trust me from now on.” The only answer is to BE trustworthy over a protracted period of time. Words are meaningless when trust is eroded. The fact is, what was lost in a series of half-truths, lies or deception always takes much longer to repair than it took to cause the damage.

It is not a “love” issue. It is no good saying, “If you really loved me you would trust me again.” That will never remove the weed of mistrust. We all love people we do not trust – like our children for example! We love them, but don’t always trust their judgment or ability to handle certain tasks etc. It is, in fact, foolish to trust a person who does not deserve to be trusted. You can still love your partner, but not trust them in certain things. Only as they demonstrate trustworthiness over time will that be recovered.

It is not a “forgiveness” issue. “If you had really forgiven me, you would trust me again,” many a guilty party has protested. But this is also faulty thinking. Forgiveness does not immediately take the relationship back to where it once was. A willingness to forgive is crucial to the health of any relationship. But just as you can love someone and still not completely trust them, so you can forgive a person and not trust them. And again, it would be folly to do so. The only true remedy for mistrust is to BE trustworthy.

Like Daniel in today’s reading, get yourself a reputation for being totally trustworthy and the weed of mistrust will never choke your relationship soil again.