One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy EvansSýnishorn

The Formula for Love

Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own. (1 Corinthians 13:4-5 NAS)

Did you know there are reasons we love the people we do? There are two things we all have in common about those we love. First, we admire something about the people we love. Second, they make us feel good about ourselves.

This formula for love never changes—it is always true. Even in our relationship with Christ, it’s true.

For instance, I love Christ because I admire Him. There is no one I admire more. But admiration for His character and nature is not the only reason I love Him. I love Christ because
of what He did for me on the cross, and what He does for me daily in my relationship with Him. He makes me feel valued, special, and secure. I love the way He makes me feel about me.

The truth is, you will never fall in love with a person who makes you feel bad about yourself.

Just think about the “puppy love” phase of your relationship. You were attracted to each other and couldn’t wait to spend time together. The reason was twofold. You liked something about the other person, and you liked the way he or she made you feel about yourself.

Now let’s talk about how a breakdown in a love relationship occurs. One of the most crucial roles you play in your husband’s or wife’s life is to be God’s instrument in revealing to them that they are very important and special. When you are no longer feeding each other’s self-esteem and regularly highlighting the things you admire about each other, the formula for love begins to break down.

The good news is, this situation is easily reversed. As you make it a point to look for and talk about the qualities you admire in each other, you will begin rebuilding each other’s self-esteem. With a little bit of effort, you will be able to see immediate results. The way your husband or wife makes you feel will improve noticeably, and you’ll discover that the formula for love is easier than you might have thought!

Talk It Out | Try looking at your relationship from your spouse’s perspective by asking yourself the question, “How healthy would my self-esteem be if I were married to me?” Share your thoughts and talk about ways to make improvements in this area. Take turns talking about the qualities you admire in each other.

Walk It Out | One night this week, give each other a 10-minute (or longer) massage. While giving your spouse a massage, talk about the things you admire and appreciate most about him or her.