One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy EvansSýnishorn

An Honest Approach

Therefore putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another. (Ephesians 4:25)

Last week we talked about how positive conflict resolution begins with an acceptance of your anger and by allowing your spouse to be honest about his or her anger as well. The second step in positive conflict resolution has to do with how you confront each other. Even though some anger can be dealt with in prayer or on a personal level, much of your anger related to our spouse’s behavior must be talked out.

This means you need to learn how to approach one another when you are angry. This is such a critical lesson to learn because uncontrolled or unrighteous anger can be so destructive. In learning to deal with confrontation, you first of all need to wait until your anger is under control. However, do it today. Ephesians 4:26-27 says, “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.”

The word interpreted “devil” is the Greek word diabolos, and it means “slanderer.” Going to bed on unresolved anger gives the devil an opportunity to whisper in your ear accusations and slander concerning your spouse. Remember that today’s anger is very manageable; yesterday’s anger is dangerous because it has fermented.

When Karen and I first got married we would go for months angry at each other. When we got mad, we got quiet. That is my natural personality. When I’m the most angry, I’m the quietest. That is ok in the short term, because it keeps me from saying or doing things I would regret in response to my anger. However, it is a very negative trait in the long term.

Karen and I have learned over the years not to get mad and get quiet. We know how dangerous it is to give the devil an opportunity in our marriage through unresolved anger. We make it a practice to confront each other in love every day.

Allow yourself and your spouse to be honest about your anger. Then be sure that you confront anger in a timely way, but wait a few minutes or a few hours until you are in control and won’t say or do anything you’ll regret or that will damage your spouse.

Talk It Out | Make a commitment to allow each other the freedom to talk about your negative feelings without being punished. Also, make a commitment never to go to bed angry again without talking things out and mapping out a plan for resolving the conflict.

Walk It Out | Think back to the time when you were dating; remember some of the fun things you liked to do together. Then designate a date night and go out and do something fun!