UnsupermommySýnishorn

The Problem with Expectations

Have you ever met a supermommy? Her baby sleeps soundly, nurses happily, and meets every milestone ahead of schedule. She tidies the house while her baby plays quietly with a wooden teether at her brightly pedicured feet. Nap time is just long enough for her favorite hobby and a spunky exercise routine. Her doting husband arrives home in time to kiss her cheek and pinch her baby-weight-free behind before playing with the baby while she creates a healthy and delicious dinner. If we get honest, we all want some of that supermommy life—but it’s a fantasy. Whatever you imagine a supermommy life is like sets itself up as a series of desires for your life.

James 1:13-15 explains that we cannot blame God or Satan for our temptations—they stem from our desires. God doesn't say evil desires, which means even our good desires can trip us up. Desire gives birth to sin—oh how appropriate for mothers. We have so many desires—for ourselves, our children, our husbands—good desires! The problem is allowing our good desires to reign unchecked by our desire for God. A good desire starts so small you can't even feel it growing inside of you. As that desire grows, it starts kicking against everything around it. Eventually you can’t think about anything else anymore. Everything you do is impaired by it.

Unchecked desires become expectations, which become wants, which become needs. When something we feel we need goes unmet, we sin to get it. Sin doesn’t feel justifiable for a simple desire, but a need deserves drastic measures. This is the conundrum of the Christian life: We can never completely escape the growth of our desires into needs. When we allow our desires to become more important than God’s plan for us, those self-proclaimed needs lead to sin.

The hardship of motherhood isn't our strenuous circumstances (of which we have plenty!); it's our stubborn hearts. When I became a mother, I wasn’t able to meet simple expectations, and I fought endless emotional battles to win back the feeling of being capable and productive. No matter how hard I worked, I couldn’t manage to measure up to either the world’s standards for moms or my own expectations. Unfortunately, this didn’t lead to victory, but to discarding the one thing I truly needed: more of God.

The hardest part of becoming a mom isn’t the loss of sleep or crazy hormones, it’s the raging unchecked desires for our new lives overtaking our desire for God. It’s the grasping, endless pursuit of the just-unreachable goals for our babies, ourselves, and our husbands.

If we want to be freed from sin, we must take the time to discover the root desire we are fighting to achieve. Then we must release that good desire to a gracious and wise God. When we release our expectations for motherhood, we have the opportunity to receive God's grace for the unexpected. Suddenly, we don't have to strive to be a supermommy, because God's endless superpower supplies all the energy we need for the unexpected challenges of motherhood.