Knowing God’s Design for Sex

Genesis 2:23-24

“The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called “woman,” for she was taken out of man.’ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

Romans 12:2

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

Lamentations 3:22-23

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

Were you taught that, as a Christian, you should “save” yourself for marriage and remain a virgin until having sex with your spouse for the first time? Were you taught why you should wait until you’re married? “Because I told you so” doesn’t typically work well when giving instructions to children. And “Because the Bible says so” makes sense, but it’s still nice to have some contextual understanding of why Christians are called to do and not do certain things.

So, why wait?

Because it’s part of God’s perfect design.

Your desire for sex, especially with someone you’re in a relationship with, is not wrong or arbitrary. It’s all part of God’s design. God understands that you, like all humans, need love, companionship, and intimacy. He knows because he created you that way, with those desires. However, acting on those feelings too soon can lead you to sexual immorality and sin, which is not God’s plan for you.

Sex serves a purpose–a few of them, actually. God’s design for sex was intentional and specific: to be enjoyed between a man and woman in marriage; to unite them and make them one (and to make babies). Your spouse is the only person you should “become one” with, and sex is a physical representation of that union.

The difficult part in all of this is that the world doesn’t view sex the way God intended it. The wider culture doesn’t just say sex outside of marriage is okay, but it’s actually celebrated and encouraged. Terms like “casual sex” and “hooking up” remove the seriousness of it and turn it into nothing more than a feel-good act or temporary escape from the loneliness.

However, God’s design isn’t just rooted in Biblical truth. It also holds weight scientifically. When you have sex with someone, your brain releases a hormone called oxytocin, which naturally bonds you to that person. It enhances feelings of attraction and trust and connects you to the person on a deeper, biological level. Having that connection with your spouse is extremely valuable. Having it with a “one-night stand” or a boyfriend or girlfriend outside a marriage union is harmful.

While it can be hard to wait until marriage to have sex, doing so glorifies God, benefits your current relationships, and honors your eventual spouse and marriage. You are not just “saving” yourself for your spouse but “protecting” yourself from creating bonds with people who are only in your life for a season.

With all of this, one important thing to remember is that if you’ve already had sex before marriage, God’s grace is sufficient, and His mercies are new every morning. While you can’t become a virgin again after losing your virginity, you can commit to saving yourself for marriage starting now. Your decision to honor God over satisfying your earthly desires is just as honorable today, no matter what you’ve done in your past.