Re-Assembly RequiredSýnishorn

Instructions Not Included

Prayer: Heavenly Father, when a relationship breaks, I’m not sure how to repair it. Show me your way and help me seek reconciliation, just as you sought reconciliation with me by sending your Son, Jesus. Help me love other people as you love me.

Reading

Relationships are like cars. We know how to drive cars, but what’s under the hood is a mystery to most of us when something goes wrong. Oh no… What’s that rattling sound? We have no clue. Repair—in cars or relationships—is not intuitive but a learned skill.

When it comes to fixing broken relationships, our initial moves are often the wrong moves.

We try to get others to see things our way. If they did, everything would be okay, right? We turn to the C4 Approach to Relationship Management. There are four components to this ill-advised strategy:

Convince

Convict

Coerce

Control

Unfortunately, these tactics are second nature. Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re using them. For example, you may not be aware this is a controlling statement: “I’m sorry if I offended you.”

When you say this, you might think you’re being the better person. Look at me, apologizing and moving in your direction! But the other person hears, “You’re too easily offended.”

You haven’t really apologized; instead, you’ve insulted them. You may think you’ve said, “I’m sorry,” but here’s how it’s translated: “I’ve done my part. You should be fine now. Since you’re not fine, clearly something is wrong with you.”

When we use the four Cs, we’re trying to manage people and bend them toward our will. Whether or not we realize we’re utilizing the four Cs, the results are the same: Nothing gets resolved. We’re left wondering why these tools don’t draw us closer to the people around us.

When relationships are strained, we rehearse the story of how we’ve been wronged in our heads. We wait for the other person to make the first move toward patching things up. We wait and wait—sometimes until it’s too late.

Most of us weren’t taught how to reassemble a broken relationship, and most of us haven’t seen it modeled. Relationships don’t come with a manual. So, where do we start?

We can work and pray toward reconciliation, but that’s not the goal. That’s right—the goal is not reconciliation. It’s the aim, but we don’t possess all the parts to reassemble a broken relationship. We can’t control what another adult says or does. Approaching them with our agenda doesn’t help. (Think about it: Do you enjoy an agenda being set for you?) We can only control our part.

So, the goal is no regrets. It’s knowing we did everything we could. It’s knowing we opened the door and removed all unnecessary obstacles to reconciliation.

In this reading plan, we will learn how to take the pressure off the other person to move toward reconciliation. Regardless of who’s at fault when a relationship is on the fritz, we always have a part to play in the reconciliation process.

This is a good idea for anyone. For Jesus followers, it’s not optional. Reconciliation is the operative noun of the Christian faith. The story of redemption is the story of how God reconciled members of a rebel race to himself. He did not stop at forgiveness. Forgiveness is half the equation. God’s forgiveness is a means to an end: the restoration of his relationship with us.

Reconciliation is the win in our relationship with God—and each other. According to Jesus, the two are related. The apostle Paul wrote,

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus. (Philippians 2:5)

And what was Jesus’s mindset?

Jesus answered them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” (Luke 5:31–32)

Jesus could’ve forgiven at arm’s length, but he moved in the direction of the unreconciled. In his parable of the lost sheep, the shepherd chases the rogue sheep (Matthew 18; Luke 15). But do we approach our relationships that way? Often we think, Oh well, if that rogue sheep wants to get their act together and rejoin the flock, they know where to find us, but I’m not going to go looking for them.

Jesus went looking for us. At the end of his earthly ministry, Jesus commanded us to do for others what he did for us. He told us to love others as he loves us. If we choose to follow Jesus, we’ll work to pave the way toward reconciliation.

Tomorrow, we’ll look at the first decision you can make to begin that journey.

Reflection

If you are estranged from a family member or friend, what do you think stops you from taking steps to repair that relationship?