Home for the Holidays? Surviving Your Family Even if They Drive You NutsSýnishorn

Aim For Peace

I had an interesting chat with a friend one year before Thanksgiving. There is one person in her family who is always very grumpy, picky, critical, and demanding. The way my friend described it was this person “takes the whole family hostage” at holiday time. 

Ever have one of those?  Or maybe it’s someone who always has an unwanted opinion about your life or choices – and they’re not shy about sharing it with you! 

In my friend’s family, this curmudgeon doesn’t want to do anything the hostess has planned, she doesn’t like the food, things have to be done a certain way, everyone is doing it wrong, and so on. All she does is snap, criticize and complain. I could tell that it’s very stressful for my friend. 

There can be many variations on this theme, but very often one (or more) person can change the dynamics of a family holiday celebration. 

Now, I fully believe in laying down some healthy, rational boundaries for people like that (even relatives). But my best advice for having a happy, peaceful holiday is to be sure you forgive first. 

I believe that forgiving them (pretty often, if necessary!) rather than talking about them or dreading their presence, makes it possible for God to move in their lives, and it helps you keep your heart right and your peace intact. Romans 14:19 says: Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another.  

Rather than holding onto those irritations (or using them as weapons in the next argument), what if we aimed for peace at our family gatherings and just got good at forgiving quickly and easily? James 3:17 says, Real wisdom, God’s wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next (MSG).

These verses let me know that God knew what trying holidays would look like! Thankfully He has given us answers in His Word for coping with them and getting the victory. When my friend practiced forgiving her curmudgeonly relative (often!), her heart was much more peaceful and things didn’t “get to her” like they had in previous years. She was amazed to find that her holidays were much more harmonious.