Holding on When You Want to Let GoSýnishorn

Day Five

What Did I Do Wrong?

Scripture: Psalm 103:12; John 19:28-30

One of the greatest challenges to our faith is that the waves of our past mistakes or wrong choices often wash up on the shore of our souls when things go wrong. 

We wonder: 

Did I cause this to happen? 

What would have happened if I’d stayed in my marriage? 

Would this have happened if I’d never had that abortion? 

Am I being punished now because of that stupid affair? 

Am I facing bankruptcy because I wasn’t faithful in my giving? 

Did I try to force my faith on my children, causing them to want nothing to do with it? 

I have spent time with so many women who live under the burden of regret. Even though they know in their heads that when Christ forgives us, He removes our sin as far as the east is from the west, that truth still feels too good to be true. It’s as if each one of us has a set of scales inside our mind. Somehow, the wrong we’ve done and the mistakes we’ve made seem to weigh more than the forgiveness of Jesus. We often feel that we’re getting what we deserve. 

But as believers in Christ, we do not get what we deserve. We get what we don’t deserve. That’s God’s grace.

Do you remember the last words that Christ spoke on the cross? 

Jesus knew that his mission was now finished, and to fulfill Scripture he said, “I am thirsty.” A jar of sour wine was sitting there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put it on a hyssop branch, and held it up to his lips. When Jesus had tasted it, he said, “It is finished!” Then he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

—John 19:28–30

The Greek word used here for “finished” is tetelestai. This word has been found on ancient tax documents. Written across the papyrus, it literally means “Bill paid in full.” Do you feel the weight of that truth? Whatever you have done, whatever regrets you might have, whatever wrong paths you may have taken, with those final words of Christ, He stamped over your life and mine “Bill paid in full.” 

Father God, I know I have messed up. Thank You that You love me and that by Your grace I have the freedom to change. Amen.