God Is Your Defender: Learning to Stand After Life Has Knocked You DownSýnishorn

The Spiral of Fair 

Your personality style plays into your journey when it comes to how you want to see things made right; your idea of what is fair. The idea of what is fair and unfair is as old as Cain and Abel, the sons of Adam and Eve (see Genesis 4:1–13). I know that for me it is easy to slip into the kind of tantrum Cain experienced when something seems unfair. In the aftermath of a wrong happening to us, we often journey through the spiral of fair, playing over and over the tangle of fair and unfair. This spin is dizzying and disorienting, and most importantly, it keeps us from moving forward. It’s movement, but it’s the kind that goes nowhere as we struggle to make our way toward healing and leaning on our Defender God.

One of the toughest parts about being someone wired with a deep sense of fairness is that, in fact, there are things that are deeply unfair and they often don’t have neat, clean solutions. Unfairness coming from friends and family seems more personal than hurts and wrongs that occur at the hands of strangers. If a stranger criticizes me rudely online, I don’t like how I’ve been treated, but there’s a degree of separation from the offender. I might not like it, but it doesn’t feel personal. But it feels more unfair when it comes from someone in my day-to-day world. Because the wrong carries a different weight, I can be at even more risk of forgetting that sin is crouching at the door, waiting to see how I will conduct myself moving forward.

You’re not the only follower of God to face an unfair trial or situation. Jesus was accused of all kinds of things. His reputation was maligned, his motives were misunderstood. The same Jesus who so valiantly and dramatically defended the poor and sick, who refused to allow people to be taken advantage of in the temple courts, and who didn’t shy away from a debate also didn’t speak up to defend himself in front of Pilate. Jesus didn’t allow ego to become part of the picture. When he defended, it was for the cause of others. When he reprimanded, it was to uphold God’s best. But when people made false claims against him, he was silent.

In my experience with a lawsuit over my sister’s estate, I learned to set my ego aside for something more valuable than “winning.” I gained time with my family when they needed me most. I gained peace. And I discovered that my ego can get all wrapped up in this spiral of fair and unfair. 

What about you? What are you fighting for? Out of a desire to set you free, I want to ask you to pray an extremely dangerous prayer. Ask God to search your heart and thoughts and show you a righteous way to settle any issue of fairness you are facing today (see Psalm 139:23–24). It may cost you something, but the price may be worth the blessing of knowing you are following God’s lead and being freed from the spin you are caught in.

Respond

Is there a situation in your life that seems particularly painful and unfair because it involves a personal connection?

What can you do to discern if God wants you to take a stand on an issue or quietly step back? 

How can prayer help you set your ego aside and give you insight into what matters to God?