The Pre-Marriage CourseSýnishorn

Connection

How do we keep our love alive and stay connected over the whole course of a marriage?

Spend special time together

Keeping love alive is a deliberate choice. It includes:

• investing in our friendship by continuing to do those things we both enjoy together
• making a daily habit of connecting with each other verbally and emotionally
• organising a weekly date with our partner to keep the romance, the fun and the love growing between us

Discover your partner’s emotional needs

Discovering what makes our partner feel loved builds deep connection between us and enables us to love effectively. We can be very different from each other in the ways we give and receive love.

The five love languages

1. Loving words
2. Thoughtful presents
3. Physical affection
4. Quality time
5. Kind actions

All five ways of expressing love are important in every marriage, but usually there will be one or two of them that communicate love in the way we particularly understand it and like to receive it.

After you complete today's devotional visit www.5lovelanguages.com to fill in a short questionnaire to confirm the order of importance of these love languages for you. 

The teaching on the Five Love Languages is adapted from Dr Gary Chapman’s bestselling book, The 5 Love LanguagesⓇ: The Secret to Love That Lasts (© 2015). Published by Northfield Publishing. Used by permission.

How to build a good sexual relationship

Sex joins us together, not just physically, but emotionally, psychologically and even spiritually.

How to establish and maintain a pattern of good sex in marriage:

1. Get your hearts in sync

Be ready to talk

• talking about sex can take courage as it requires us to be vulnerable with each other
• tell each other what turns you on and what turns you off desiring to make love

Bring closure to past sexual relationships

• past relationships can cause jealousy and mistrust
• if necessary, disconnect on social media from people you were once attracted to and delete emails / texts / photos

2. Get your heads straight

Good sex has so much to do with our state of mind

• fill your minds with what is beautiful, honourable and mutually respectful about sex
• talk about your expectations and any fears you may have around lovemaking

Problems resulting from abuse or other sexual trauma from the past may require professional help.

If pornography is an issue in your relationship, have an honest and non-judgmental conversation with your partner. Taking steps to change your habits will have a hugely positive impact on your relationship and will make having good sex a reality in marriage.

Low self esteem and poor body image affect our sexual responses

• build your partner’s confidence by telling them how beautiful and attractive they are to you
• keep admiring each other’s bodies, as the lovers do repeatedly in the Song of Songs

3. Get your bodies set

There are significant differences between men and women in sexual arousal.

• find out from reading and talking what arouses your partner
• give sufficient time for preparation and arousal in lovemaking

Create a climate of trust.

• good sex is dependent on allowing other parts of our relationship to develop
• there’s a strong connection between giving ourselves to each other through our marriage vows and giving ourselves in our sexual relationship
• practise self-control – this will be essential when we find ourselves attracted to someone other than our partner