Heroic Husbandry: Reclaiming Hero Status in Your MarriageSýnishorn

Heroic Focus

Hero, never underestimate how much your wife craves your attention. 

A wife’s heart sings when her husband notices details even she doesn’t notice about herself.

This is what we see in Song of Solomon 4:1-9. It’s a Heroic Focus on his bride, starting with her eyes and going lower and lower. How wonderful! 

You get to cherish your wife and lavish her with your attention. She is worthy of knowing. You love to behold, she loves to be held. 

But the focus of a husband isn’t just sexual. It’s in ordinary moments, too. Those first five minutes coming home from work (or any activity) are crucial. They set the tone for the rest of the evening. 

Heroic Husbands win those moments. They don’t walk through the door while on the phone with someone else. They don’t stay in work mode, dwelling on unfinished projects. Instead, they choose to focus on their bride.

How, then, do you hit the ‘Mute’ button on everything else demanding your attention? How do you offer her an unhurried heart, allowing her to experience the full weight of your attention? Two words: human finitude.

Not what you were expecting? Allow me to explain. Rigged deep into the wiring of men is the yearning to be strong, capable, and competent. We hate to feel useless and weak. This can push us towards a Superman mentality. We try to do it all, to take on the world! But this gets us in trouble. We can’t be all places at once.

Wives who are well attended to have husbands who know their limits. Husbands that gladly admit, “Yeah, I’m no Superman. I can’t do it all. I did my best at work today. Now, I turn my attention elsewhere.” 

That’s Heroic Focus. It takes courage to let things go undone.

Husband, God made you finite on purpose. It’s not a result of the Fall and it’s not changing. You are a human, not Superman. You will never complete the to-do list. There’s not enough time in the day. Nor do you possess an infinite supply of attention. No, you’re working with limited resources.

The question is, how will you spend it? On her, or something else? 

Will you choose heroic focus?