Eat. Pie. Love.Sýnishorn

Peacekeeper vs. Peacemaker

Have you ever thought of the difference between being a peacemaker and a peacekeeper? I didn’t think much about it either—not for a long time. I thought to be the peacekeeper was a good thing, but in the last few years, I realized all it did was bring strife and unrest. A peacekeeper goes around giving everyone what they want to make them happy in the moment. Well, there’s a big problem in that: we can’t give everyone what they want all the time. That doesn’t solve a single thing. It only continues to enable people, showing them that they will be rewarded over and over no matter their behavior. Then, they continue to create more chaos, knowing that they will be lavished with more of what they want.

I tried to keep the peace for years in our family. Growing up and then running a family business puts you in the middle of not just the business but also the family. The family came to me with all their questions, wants, needs, and dreams. Goodness, the pressure to make everyone happy and give them what they wanted was unbearable at times and pushed me to provide them with all that they wanted for the moment. I did everything I could to avoid the issue.

Things would be good for a month, and then we were back where we started. Nothing was ever resolved; I just covered it up with a Band-Aid and hoped it would heal on its own. The wound wouldn’t heal, though. It only got deeper and led to more conflict and strife, making me the bad guy. I was not a good friend or leader. And the peacekeeping was causing a huge rift in my marriage. I was choosing to keep my family happy over listening to my husband, who was leading. He wanted to help me, but I was deep in the ocean, relying on myself—and nearly drowning. I was tossing and turning and not once did I call out to Jesus for help. I believed I had what it took to stay afloat in the sea of requests.

Then, by the grace of God, I went to an event where I learned the difference between peacekeeping and peacemaking. My life shifted after that, and I took my power back. I could do this. In fact, I was created for this! I didn’t have to just agree and appease. Instead, I learned I could step into hard places, embrace the situation, stop avoiding the conflict, and start speaking truth in love to shift the situation and create change. I had to be brave and do the hard things, but in the end, I knew God’s truth would win. 

I realized that I had to bring a healing salve of truth to bring true peace. The result was a deeper intimacy with God and a healthier relationship with my family. It’s not perfect because none of us is perfect. He might not always change their hearts, but He always changes mine. We must die to self and humble ourselves before Him. Then He can open us up to receive the gift of healing and restoration.

Today’s Slice of Pie

• Do you think you are a peacekeeper or a peacemaker? Explain why.
• If you are a peacekeeper, how can you reevaluate a relationship and make peace instead of just keeping peace?