Man In CrisisSýnishorn

Don't Pull Back - Engage Gently

 

Everything in you will, at times, want to run. The pressure of becoming something you’ve never been is tremendous. Being with your wife is scary now. You never know what’s going to happen, how her anger and disappointment are going to manifest. She can hurt you now. In the past, you were able to dodge the darts. Your shields were at full power. Not so much now.

You are in an incredibly vulnerable place, right where God wants you. Lean on God for His help and wisdom. He can give you exactly what you need for the moment. And you need to live moment by moment, as it is not the time for long-term plans.

It will take almost all your energy to stay put. Fight the urge to retreat to your comfort zone. God isn’t interested in your comfort zone. He wants you in the red zone where the impact is the hottest. It will drain you, but with whatever energy you have left, you need to engage with your wife if she will let you.

By engage, I mean serve your wife. If she wants to talk, talk. Don't use your old speech patterns. Or go into protective mode. You can’t attack. You must merely serve and love. If she doesn’t want to talk, don’t force it. Be silent, ask God to help you sense what she needs. Then do it with vigor. 

Don’t fake anything. If you can’t gently engage your wife in love without a sour attitude, you have more work to do on yourself. If you can serve and keep your negative thoughts in check, then do as much as you can. If you can help her with her burdens, kids, housework, job, etc., then do. Anything, no matter how big or small will be an example of Jesus to her. 

If, by God’s grace, she softens and gives you more space, be thankful. And be careful with that space. Treat it with great respect and care. Engage at whatever level feels right and she will accept. Calm your fears by running to the Lord instead of withdrawing. Here are a few reminders to help you:

Guard Against Frustration And Fear. These emotions, more than any others, will drive you to withdraw. Find Bible verses to use when you feel frustrated and afraid. Write them down in a handy place, and read them to yourself when tempted.

Drop Hobbies And Projects That Keep You From Engaging. We are experts at filling our time with things instead of people. If you have to put a few things on hold as you work through this time, do it. They will be there when you are at full strength. The work God wants you to do is eternal and worth any earthly sacrifice you will make.

Ask To Be Reminded. Ask those around you to remind you to engage with others and with your wife. Have men in your life who will keep you accountable and encourage you. Battles fought with men who have your back strengthens you. Find them and enlist them to help you. 

Challenge: Read and Meditate on Exodus 14-15. Write down what God did for Israel. Write down what you would like God to do for you.