Lies Moms Believe: And the Truth That Sets Them FreeSýnishorn

 Mom Lie #1: I can/can’t control what my daughter believes. 

Do you ever feel comatose when it comes to your tween daughter? There were times when I felt a deep sense of impotence, and could not imagine what to say or do. For example, when they faced friendship drama, I sometimes felt clueless about how to sort it out. Or when they wanted to buy that cute but short pair of cut-offs, I struggled with how to say “no,” without sounding self-righteous or implying that this was a measurement of their spirituality or mine. The confusion overwhelmed me. I sometimes felt like there was no way to control what my daughters believed.

Then, there were those euphoric times when I felt like I deserved the “Christian Mother of the Year” award. I felt superior to other mothers and believed I was in control of my daughters’ beliefs. Don’t judge! You know you’ve been there too.

Note the emphasis on my feelings. Just like Eve—and our daughters—you and I are prone to allow sticky feelings to control us. The emotions I had concerning my daughters’ developing belief systems and my parenting skills were evidence that I was struggling with a common mom lie.

MOM LIE #1: “I CAN’T/CAN CONTROL WHAT MY DAUGHTER BELIEVES.”

This lie—actually two variations of the same lie—is powerful and preeminent. The first version of it tells us that we have no control. The second tells us that we have supreme control.

The Enemy uses these two polar opposites to place us in bondage as moms. One causes complacency because we are fearful that our intervention wouldn’t help anyway. The other causes pride that we have everything under control, causing us to miss important cues when our daughters are in trouble. I have found many moms who believe the lie that they cannot control or that they do control what their daughter believes.

The Truth is that God wants you to do everything you can to plant seeds of Truth in your daughter. No matter how overwhelmed you may feel by her behavior or circumstances, you are charged with the task of being faithful to present Truth. In a key Old Testament passage, the Scripture emphasizes how intentionally and carefully we must approach the work of teaching Truth to our children.

“Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” (Deuteronomy 6:7–9)

While you are responsible to plant seeds of Truth, it is also true that you are not in control of your daughter’s belief system. One day she will stand before God and give account for her own beliefs (Deuteronomy 24:16; Jeremiah 31:29–30).

A critical ingredient to nurturing your daughter with Truth is grace.

In this model, you treat your daughter like God treated Eve. You plant Truth, but also expect the battle to be thick. You know your daughter will sin, and you prepare to respond with the same grace we have received from Christ. You talk openly about sin and temptation, and encourage your daughter to be involved in decision-making.

Nurturing a child in Truth is time-consuming and sometimes frustrating, but the long term outcome is a young woman who has the roots of Truth established so she can make godly decisions even when you aren’t there.

Will you be a mother who merely restrains your daughter’s external behavior so it appears to conform to Truth?

OR

Will you nurture her in Truth so that her external behavior is an outgrowth of what is planted deep inside of her heart?

TALKING WITH GOD:

Use Deuteronomy 6:6–9 to write a prayer to God. Examine your own heart and consider whether you are planting Truth in your daughter—and any other children in your home—as carefully and thoroughly as this verse commands.