Verified: Prioritizing Internal Growth in an Image-Driven WorldIhe Atụ

From Hustling for Worth to Abiding in Security

When we’re not operating from an internally secure and grounded place we soon find ourselves hustling for our worth in external validations and burning out in the process.

Signs of burn out look like:

• Feeling impatient and short-tempered with people.
• Feeling detached. 
• Feeling overwhelmed and forgetful.
• Feeling inadequate an unaccomplished.
• Losing a sense of personal boundaries and resenting your commitments.
• Mental and physical exhaustion.
• Growing physically sick.

It can be easy to get caught up misplacing our worth and value in our work, results or service to others.

There’s a natural aspect to it. To thrive we all need a level of self-efficacy, some level of confidence in our abilities; but when you begin to feel like no amount of what you do or level of what you become is ever enough, seeking external validation is never-ending and impossible to fulfill. From this, we can never find joy or peace because there is a deeply imbalanced perspective that continues to see yourself from a deficit.

It may be a sign that we’ve either lost sight of our “why”, have been operating out of vain motivation, or have taken on the role of “savior” and need to humble ourselves long enough to rest and realign.

Dear friend, the world will keep going but there is only one of you. Remember, from day 3, we are but a mist.

As Brene Brown gracefully states in her book The Gifts of Imperfection, 

“When we spend a lifetime trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don’t fit with who we think we’re supposed to be, we stand outside of our story and hustle for our worthiness by constantly performing, perfecting, pleasing, and proving. Our sense of worthiness—that critically important piece that gives us access to love and belonging—lives inside of our story.

Worthy now. Not if. Not when. We are worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute.”

In psychology, we call this the real self versus the ideal self. In this constant hustle to become someone other than who we are, we become hooked into this cycle of striving to prove ourselves. We try and use these earthly “accomplishments” to define ourselves. If I only appear to have this then it will prove (to myself and the world) that I am lovable, I am successful, I have an awesome life, I am worth something. 

Friend, you don’t have to prove anything. Don’t get caught up placing your security in an image for others (who don’t have to live with your choices) and stop giving people and circumstances the power to define the person you’re going to be. You are worthy of love, of belonging, of showing up for your life, regardless of the stage you’re in because God-given worth isn’t something you achieve- it’s something you carry. It’s something you abide in from season to season and the constant evolving of your life.

The truth: we are incredibly flawed, imperfect and depraved but Christ chose us in the mess. Not after. Not based on how many others approved of us. Not when we worked hard enough to prove ourselves worth it. It is not in our doing, it is in our being.

He chose us as we were and yet loves us too much to leave us that way.

You and I are a work in progress that’s constantly becoming. There will always be a way to do better and be better. At some point, at the end of the day, we have to let it all be enough. We may need to reassess our boundaries, realign with our priorities, stop and make time for the things that bring joy to our soul and focus on the deep, internal work of substance in the things we’re called to do.

Pause & reflect:

• Have you been showing any of the above signs of burn out?
• What might be some of your automatic tendencies to hustle for external worth? What do you do?
• What have you believed that you need in order to be loved, respected or approved of?
• In what areas do you need to pause, deconstruct and realign with your priorities and values?