When Relationships Get ComplicatedEgzanp

Forgiveness and Mercy

In most relationships, you will at some point experience disagreement and division, whether on a minor or major scale. At times this might result from misguided expectations, a lack of boundaries, or changing roles. But one thing is for sure: Our relationships aren’t immune to the presence of sin in our life.

In fact, relationships are often the place where our sin becomes most apparent, as we attempt and fail to live out the commandment to love others as we love ourselves. But if our connections with others are where we recognize the depth of our sin, those same connections can also be the place where we practice—and experience—the depth of God’s love for us. According to Dr. Stanley, “If you’re going to build good, lasting friendships, you have to be forgiving.”

In Matthew 18:21-35, Peter asks how often he has to forgive his brother. By suggesting seven times, Peter assumes he’s being generous. But when we turn that question around—How often should our brother forgive us? or more importantly, How often should God forgive us?—seven doesn’t sound like that much.

Jesus feels the same way. He ups the ante exponentially, saying we need to forgive “up to seventy-seven times” or, according to some translations, “seventy times seven” (KJV, NLT). It’s a standard that feels unwieldy if you’re on the forgiving side. But if you’re the one being forgiven, it feels a lot like mercy.

In Matthew 5:23-24, Jesus gives us a more intimate picture of forgiveness in our relationships: "Therefore, if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.”

Notice two things. First, Jesus says that what happens in our relationships with people affects our relationship with God. He ties the two together, just as He does when he says the two greatest commandments are loving God and loving people (Matt. 22:36-40).

But also notice how, in the Matthew 5 passage, Jesus incorporates the idea of confession, forgiveness, and repentance in that one word reconciled—a translation from the Greek diallassō, meaning both “to change” and “to renew friendship.” Despite the rifts that occur in relationships, there is still the possibility of forgiveness, change, and even renewal. Remember that it’s not always important to determine who requests forgiveness and who extends it.

REFLECT

• What does the parable of the king settling accounts teach us about God’s forgiveness and the importance of forgiving others?

• Jesus invites us to hold these two aspects of forgiveness together in our heart—both giving and receiving. How well do you think you do that?

• When has one of your relationships been renewed through forgiveness? Did it matter who asked versus who did the forgiving? Why or why not?