When Relationships Get ComplicatedEgzanp

Expectations

What we hope for in relationships is often what draws us to them. We want someone to share life with: a person with whom to enjoy hobbies, relax, and celebrate as well as someone who will support us through difficulty. And when we find our people—whether they are siblings, close friends, spouse, or children—we inevitably develop hopes and expectations for the future.

Sometimes what we want in a relationship is not necessarily what the other person wants or is able to offer. Our expectations can be too high, leading to continual disappointment, or too low, leading to unfulfilled potential. At times our expectations are simply unrealistic, given the circumstances. Or they might be tainted by sinful desires, misguided by incorrect stereotypes, or poorly conceived by misleading cultural cues.

When Jesus calls us to love others as we love ourselves, the temptation is to believe that others want to be loved in the same way we do—that loving others simply means doing for them what we want done for us. But relationships are more complicated than that.

What we want and hope for ourselves might be different than what others want and hope for themselves. And vice versa. In his sermon “How to Treat One Another,” Dr. Stanley puts it this way: “Oftentimes we have expectations of people they don’t even [know about].”

Relationships benefit when we love others the way they want and need to be loved, and when we’re clear about the ways we want and need to be loved in return. In both cases, we’ll most likely have to adjust or recalibrate our expectations.

REFLECT

• How often do your relationships exceed your expectations? How often are you disappointed?
• Think of a time a relationship didn’t turn out as planned. Why do you think you expected things to turn out different than they did? What can you learn from that experience?