Smart Love Doesn’t Play Games

Don’t return all his calls, and never stay on the phone with him longer than ten minutes. Always be the one who ends a date or a phone call. Never accept a Saturday date if he asks later than Wednesday. This is just a sampling of silly rules we’ve heard over the years about dating.

Rules are for games, not relationships. And smart love knows the difference. Games are meant to lure, even manipulate another person into seeing you as someone you’re not. We’re not picking on this little book of codified dating advice. The games ­people play in dating relationships are nothing new. They’re as old as time, as is the damage they cause.

Anytime you project an image that is not real, you are hiding your true self and playing a game you’ll eventually lose. You may win attention, sympathy, or admiration for the moment, but it won’t last—it’s only a game.

Far more important that playing games in our dating life, we must call on God to help us discern what's best along the way. In other words, seek God's wisdom, guidance and discernment along the way. As the Psalmist puts it: "The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing" (Psalm 34:10). The more we do this just the more honor we bring to our dating relationships (see Romans 12:2).

So if you’re looking for love that goes the distance, ­you’ve got to avoid game playing as much as possible and be real. Consider the childhood game of hide and seek. “Oh, the delicious thrill of hiding while the others come looking for you,” writes French author Jean Baudrillard, “the delicious terror of being discovered, but what panic when, after a long search, the others abandon you!”

Dating games, played too much and too long, result in the same aloneness. So play a few games if you must, but­ don’t hide too well. Our advice? ­ We’ll say it again, be who you are and the dates will follow.

Today, you might have to ask God to forgive you for playing the dating game and hiding your true self with those you’ve dated.

Ask Him to transform you to be at peace with who He says you are in Him, that you can have discernment to guard your heart (Philippians 4:7) and be your truest self to others.