Relationship ResonancePrimjer

"(U)nderstanding"

“He doesn’t understand me.” “She just doesn’t get it.”  How many times have we heard or thought similar phrases?  And how many times have we used them as reasons to end a relationship?

Showing understanding is not about right answers, solutions, opinions, advice, pity or pride. It is simply about acknowledging the feelings and emotions tied to a situation. When done correctly, understanding can become a powerful relational asset. 

The fastest route to understanding another’s situation is by putting yourself in their shoes. I feel that the best way to follow the second most important commandment—loving your neighbor as yourself— is to think about walking in their shoes. When you do that, the love comes naturally. Think about how you would feel in a similar circumstance. Then imagine what kind of emotions could go along with it.

For example, when I see that someone is noticeably saddened by a bad medical diagnosis, I think about the feelings of fear, regret, pain and sorrow that can go along with it. I remember how sad I felt when we learned our 5-year-old son may have to miss out on a large portion of his childhood while battling  a disease that was disintegrating his hip bone. This understanding process helps me to caringly communicate, “I’m sorry to hear about your trial. It can be very sad when we get news like this.”
   
On a positive note, showing understanding works for celebration too! When I see someone is enthusiastic about an accomplishment, I think about the feelings of achievement, perseverance and satisfaction. This then allows me to imagine the emotions of joy they must be feeling. I can excitedly reply something like, “That’s awesome! Congratulations! I bet you feel great about that!”

So I challenge you to make a conscious effort today to put yourself in the shoes of 3 people who are in the midst of a challenging or exciting situation and show them your understanding.