Bible Basics Explained | Ten CommandmentsPrimjer

Day 4 | Exodus 20:12-14 | Honor Parents, No Murder, No Adultery

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Jonathan: Welcome back to our journey through the Ten Commandments. We pick up right where we left off—at Commandment number five:

“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12).

Kris: Here at the halfway point, we move from commandments about loving God to commands about loving others. First up: mom and dad. The family unit is the basic building block of social structure, and family relationships are foundational to both personal and community well-being. Family is core to life, so honor your father and mother.

J: But family relationships are not always easy. Whether your family is whole or in pieces or just plain complicated, the people closest to us are often the ones who hurt us the most. But there are no conditions given to this command. Honor for parents does not depend on your parents’ worthiness. It's about your character.

K: Think about it. Parents are the very first relationship for every human. Whatever their character, this is God's first opportunity to work on your character from the time you're born. So God says, start with honor. I realize that it gets complicated if parents are abusive or negligent or just not there. Showing honor does not mean allowing abuse. If you're in danger at home, tell someone. But the heart of the matter is every child learning to show honor.

J: The word honor includes respect, care, and gratitude—essentials for every relationship, but learned first at home. Honor affects our words, our actions, and our attitude. And as children grow, their honor for parents will ultimately teach them respect for God.

K: Paul reminds Christians that this verse still applies in Ephesians 6, when he also tells children to obey parents. And he focuses on the promise: when you honor parents, you'll find that you "live long in the land." It pays off. Society runs better - and life goes better when parents are honored.

J: Verse 13, and Commandment 6:

“You shall not murder” (Exodus 20:13).

K: That's just two words in Hebrew: no murder. 

J: The Hebrew language holds a distinction between kill and murder, just as English does. Murder is the taking of life without legal or moral justification. Thus capital punishment and self-defense are not considered murder. Further laws will address those separately. 

K: Murder involves factors of premeditation and intentionality. And back in Genesis 9, God established the wrongness of murder on the foundation that every human is made in the image of God. 

J: Jesus extends the application of this Commandment to a heart issue in Matthew 5. Not only is murder wrong, but also hatred is as well. While murder is to be settled in the courts of man, God's court will also address anger and insults, because murder begins in the heart. 

K: Verse 14, and Commandment 7:

“You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14).

J: No adultery. The Hebrew word literally means breaking wedlock, and it means exactly what the English word means: a married person having sex with somebody other than their spouse. Now sex outside of marriage is called fornication. God sets rules against that elsewhere. This one is about protecting marriage.

K: Now for anyone who feels like God is getting all up in your business, keep in mind that God created your business. God created sex and marriage and family. He made them good, and He is here protecting His good creation. Adultery is destructive to the core, and God is protecting you and your spouse and your family.

J: Jesus also extends adultery to a matter of the heart (Matthew 5:28). To lust is to commit adultery in the heart, and the heart matters.

K: I should clarify here that simply having a sex drive is not a sin. When Jesus said, “Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully” (Matthew 5:28) the word for lust there is more than sexual arousal. It indicates desire with intent. It is elsewhere translated covet as in setting your heart upon something forbidden, something that isn’t yours. It’s not a sex drive issue; it’s a heart issue. It’s not the feelings, but what you do with those feelings. Feelings are natural, but what you do begins in your heart. 

But that heart issue is a tough one. Paul wrestles with it in Romans 7. Paul explains that the law was helpful; it helped him recognize sin. But sin seized the opportunity, and he started sinning all the more! In other words, he was coveting and lusting already; then God’s law told him that those things were wrong. But just knowing how wrong they were didn’t help! When someone says, “It’s bad—stop thinking about it,” sometimes that just makes you think about it all the more! Just telling you that something is wrong does not give you the power to stop doing it. So Paul says, God’s law made him realize just how full of envy, greed, lust, and hatred he really was. 

J: Paul explains that he wanted to do good, and God's law showed him how he should do it. He loved the law. But something else was at work inside of him. Sin kept pulling him to do wrong, and his flesh gave in. He says: 

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do" (Romans 7:15). 

K: Paul says that his mind was a slave to God's law, but his flesh was a slave to sin. And so ensued the war inside. Finally Paul laments: 

"What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?" (Romans 7:24). 

J: And for that answer, we'll come back tomorrow, as we continue through the Ten Commandments, and find the hope that no law can bring.

Next: Read Exodus 20:12-14 & Romans 7:14-25

For Thought & Discussion:

1. What do you think it means to honor your parents? Why do you think God included this commandment in the top ten for mankind?

2. In Matthew 5, Jesus said murder and adultery are more than just sinful actions, but matters of the heart. Why do you think it’s so important to recognize that sin starts in the heart?

All verses are quoted from the NIV.