Stories of Faith and Courage From Prisonનમૂનો
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SEARCHING FOR IDENTITY
Scott Hayes, Ohio
I WAS JUST sixteen months old when my parents divorced. I have an older brother, and our dad wasn’t a positive influence in our lives or very involved with us. My mom did a wonderful job as a single mother, and she later married a man who became a great stepdad, but there was always something missing in my life.
There were times we were on welfare and lived in low-income housing. We moved about once a year, making it hard to fit in and make lasting friendships. Add that to the fact that I was usually the smallest kid in the class, and the other kids seemed to enjoy reminding me of that.
I had a close relationship with my mom’s mom. She was the only grandparent involved in my life, and I loved her dearly. Sadly, she committed suicide when I was eleven years old. Back then, and even now, I sometimes wonder, "Did she think I didn’t love her?" and, "Did she not love me?"
I started drinking alcohol when I was fourteen, mostly to fit in. I didn’t feel good about myself and didn’t like myself. I was searching for significance. Not long after I started drinking, I experimented with smoking weed. From there, my drug use escalated to LSD, PCP, cocaine, heroin, and my favorite, meth.
I soon found my identity in my addictions, violence, and trying to “outdo” my peers through wild and crazy behavior. I had lived this life for so long I convinced myself this was who I really was.
In the sixteen years that I struggled with my addictions, I overdosed twice. Both times paramedics were unable to find a pulse. In actuality, I should have died, which was okay with me; I didn’t care most of the time. In fact, I had suicidal thoughts on a regular basis.
My life became centered around drugs and partying. As my tolerance grew, it took more and more dope just to feel “normal.” I continued to care less and less and became depressed. Once, after a five- or six-day binge on meth, unable to eat or sleep at all, I locked myself in an unfinished basement. As usual I became extremely paranoid, anxious, and delusional. I tied a dog chain around my neck, stood on a chair, and looped the other end of the chain around a gas pipe next to the ceiling. My plan was to end my miserable life by kicking the chair out from under me, but the thought of the pain and devastation I would cause my mom kept me from going through with it.
God had another plan, a plan for my life I would have never guessed in a million years . . .
Scripture
About this Plan
![Stories of Faith and Courage From Prison](/_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fimageproxy.youversionapi.com%2Fhttps%3A%2F%2Fs3.amazonaws.com%2Fyvplans%2F44864%2F1280x720.jpg&w=3840&q=75)
The battle for souls is fierce for those living behind bars. How can the power of God's light penetrate the darkness of "Satan's playground?" This moving collection of Scripture and prisoners' stories reveals God's protection, purpose for suffering, and eternal love for each of us---including society's most shunned people.
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