We Are Made For Community, But Only Intimacy With God Will Restore Our Broken Soul.

We live in a day and age that glorifies sex. People worship sex, are ruled by sex, rely on sex, and allow sex to define them. You cannot look anywhere without being bombarded by sexual images. Something that God designed as a sacred, intimate aspect of marriage has been distorted into a dark, sinful plague. Some may go to the other extreme, picturing sex as an evil to avoid at all costs. This view is also wrong. Sex is not evil; however, experiencing it outside of God’s will and design is. What is sex? No, I am not going to give you an anatomy lesson, however, I will give you theology. Have you ever noticed that all relationships are symbolic of our relationship with God? God designed the father-daughter relationship and has adopted us as His daughters. He designed friendship and has called us friend. I think the most beautiful relationship is that of a husband and wife. Ephesians 5 tells us that husbands and wives represent Christ and the Church. Ephesians 5:31–32 (ESV) says, “‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church."

God designed sex to express intimacy between a husband and wife. During sex, their bodies become one—completing one another in a unique way that allows them to reproduce. God also allows them to express their love to one another and to experience great joy and pleasure while accomplishing God’s work of reproduction. In the same way, Christ loves the Church, and the Church hopefully loves Christ. We are unified as one as we express both love and intimacy while accomplishing God’s work of bearing fruit. Sex is beautiful and it is symbolic. It is one of the most intimate and sacred things within God’s creation. That is probably why Satan has worked so hard to twist, distort, and destroy it.

One question that single people need to ask is, what should be my current role with sex? I believe we are called to respect it and view it as sacred. It is not for our entertainment or humor. It is not for singles to experiment with or to see how much of it they can experience without crossing a line. We need to remember that this is symbolic of our intimacy with Christ. Jesus is not holding back from us.

At times, it can feel like something is missing in life. As Christians, we are whole and complete in Christ, yet there are times when in it still feels like there is a void. Singles often feel like a husband will fill this void. Those who are in relationships may be tempted to fill this void with their husband or boyfriend. When they fall short, there is a temptation to go elsewhere to fill it. This void, however, is meant to take us deeper and deeper in our relationship with God. It is not our place to fill it with false intimacy. If we take matters into our own hands and begin to feed this void with pornography, masturbation, romance novels, fantasies, and unhealthy relationships, we have begun feeding a bottomless pit. The more it is fed, the hungrier it gets. The void becomes larger and becomes darker. It becomes a dungeon, a dark pit with chains and a slave master. We need to get out.

As a married woman, sex is meant to be a form of intimacy with our husband. We do not have the right to find sexual pleasure by any other means if it is not being currently fulfilled by our husband. Even sex within marriage is not about what you can get out of it. Both husband and wife are meant to give of themselves to each other. Sex is an expression of love to each other. When both are doing this, it obviously brings delight and pleasure to both husband and wife. This was never meant to be about our individuality but about the expression of intimacy within a relationship. However, our own selfishness and pride, along with influence of culture, have twisted sex into a personal endeavor. Because lust is about quenching a selfish desire for pleasure, it can bring a heightened sense of selfishness into marriage. Our husband becomes a means to bring us pleasure rather than someone we are devoted to loving and serving.

We need to be intentional about seeking our Creator’s design and purpose for sex since He is the one who created it for us. To go outside of His plan is destructive to self and to relationships, but it is also offensive to Him.

Heartwork

Sexual sin is destructive, and we need to get out. Here are some steps to freedom. Take some time to read through this and prayerfully ask yourself if you believe in and are living out each of these steps:

1. Trust that God’s way is better.

Remember, God is the One who designed life. We think we know what we want, but God understands our hearts so much better than we do. Isaiah 55:8–9 (ESV) says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” He knows what will help us to heal and flourish. He wants to protect us from the destruction of sin. He also wants our hearts to be turned toward Him with love and trust. We were designed to worship Him and love Him with all of our heart, mind, soul, and strength. We will find that our heart is much more joyful and free when we do things His way. Confess how you have seen it wrong, ask God to redeem your imagination.

2. Repent and cry out to God for rescue.

Trusting and following God is not natural for us, so where we have gone astray, we need to repent and call out to God. When we confess, He is faithful and just to cleanse and forgive us of our sin (1 John 1:9). Use a piece of paper to write out specific hurts in your life.

3. Turn your heart toward Him with love and affection.

It is so important to find ways to stir our affection for the Lord. We are not meant to follow after God out of obligation, but because we love Him and want to follow Him. We love God more when we spend time with Him and get to know Him more. Which is why it is important to be in the Word frequently and to be open and honest with Him. This cultivates a deeper, more intimate relationship with our Creator. Ask God how He feels about you (Hebrews 12:2).

4. Cling to Him when your thoughts try to steer you back toward the darkness.

Unfortunately, our minds and hearts are fickle. They often steer us back toward lustful thoughts, sometimes minute by minute. We need to remember that God is always there ready to embrace and empower us to overcome temptation and to forgive us if we have fallen into sin. Do not allow shame and fear to keep you from turning to God in those moments. List the ways God sees you and spend time delighting in what He says about you.

Pray

Spend some time talking with God. Thank Him for how He has put such intentionality into the way He designed life and relationships. If you disagree with an aspect of His design, don’t be afraid to admit that to Him. Ask Him to reveal to you how His design is good. Pray through each of the steps above. Spend some time praying for others as well.

If you are married, pray for your husband, that God will allow you to love him and put his interests above your own. Ask God to help sex be an expression of your love rather than an expectation of what your husband can do for you.

If you are pursuing a dating relationship, ask God to shape your perspective and teach your heart to serve. Matthew 20:28 (ESV): “Even as the son of man came not to be served but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many.”

If you are single, ask God to help you be available to Him. Singleness is a gift because you are able to fully devote yourself to God, free of any obligation to a husband. Being single does not mean you are your own woman, free to revel in independence. 1 Corinthians 6:19–20 (ESV), “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”