Restoring the Art of God’s Masterpiece: Renewing Our Minds to a Holy Understanding of Sex

Our culture has confused the common for the normal. The mere prevalence of something, even to a culture-wide extent, that does not in itself make it normal. That is simply common. This has become especially true in regards to many of our assumptions pertaining to sex, pornography, and unwanted sexual behaviors.

Many parents assume that a certain amount of “acting out” or “exploring” in their child’s development is normal. Again, this might be common, but it is not normal. Too many fathers discover their son’s interaction with pornography and do little to nothing to rectify the situation. “Don’t let your mother find out” is often the only talk they might have about it.

In order to understand what’s normal, we must approach the discussion from a place of design and intent. Namely, what did God intend in the way that He has designed us? After all, we can observe many applications of a thing that were never intended that way from the beginning. For instance, a framing hammer might quickly become a nasty weapon, but it was meant to build homes, not destroy persons.

Along the same lines, simply because we might find ourselves enticed by any number of things, that does not prove we are meant to participate with those things. The allure of pornography is a deformation of otherwise wondrous and holy phenomena. God made sex to be enjoyable, indeed. Yet He also made it to be purposeful.

There is no such thing as gratification without consequences, which is the biggest lie that our surrounding culture is trying to peddle. We can observe the deceit all around us in songs, shows, and social media. Hollywood is an ongoing testament to the fallout of what happens when glamorous people cling to the illusion of sex-for-pleasure-alone. Broken hearts, serial divorces, disputes over child custody, lifelong animosity: these are the inevitable results of the lie that one can gratify oneself without responsibility.

God’s story is so much better. It isn’t easy, but it is better. A man and a woman save their sexual union for the marriage bed; they remain irrevocably committed and exclusive to one another; their children become their greatest mission and highest calling; the legacy of their generations accrues an ever-increasing righteousness which heals their portion of the world over time. The holiness of sex is very much at the center of every chapter in that story.

To think that we are made good, in body and spirit, from bones to soul, is a wonderful notion to entertain. Your children have no cause to be ashamed of themselves. Their design as well as their desires all have their proper place. It’s simply a matter of pointing them in the right direction and giving them the training to stay the course. Whereas if you do not give them a destination and a roadmap, then they will go to worse sources for the worst answers.

Observe how God’s design of sex has always been intended for copious amounts of pleasure and long-lasting delight between married couples. Sex is good. Our good God has made it so. This is a reality very worth celebrating and it is a truth that we have been called to pass onto our children.

Teaching Your Children About Their Bodies

Ask about their experiences in their bodies: How do they feel about their bodies? Do they have a sense of hospitality within themselves? Do they experience shame, embarrassment, or shyness? How can you help them feel confident in who they are and how they’re made?

Teach them about sex within marriage: On an age-appropriate basis, allow your children to understand the joy of sex as they grow up. In this way, it becomes something to anticipate well rather than something to explore too soon.

Invite them to ask questions of you: If you open the door, they are much more likely to walk through it. It’s possible that they have curiosities that they don’t even know they can approach you about. It might not happen right away, but the more you initiate and facilitate, the more they will come to trust you in that sense of safety.

Pray

• Spend time in contemplative prayer examining your understanding of sex, your own body, and your experience of sex.
• Ask for God’s perspective on these things.
• Ask God for healing and restoration as you reckon with your own story, even as you cultivate your child’s.