Finances

How a couple handles finances can unite or divide a family. When preparing to remarry, it is imperative to discuss and evaluate financial attitudes and expectations—well before walking down the aisle.

The most important discussion for remarrying couples regarding money is how they will make financial decisions. Who’s responsible for purchasing groceries? Laundry detergent? Paper towels? Will spouses keep money separate or pool it into a shared pot?

Families who work out of a single pot without distinguishing between “yours and mine” exhibit a high level of trust and commitment, and this results in strong family unity and positive attitudes. However, couples need to move at their own pace toward such arrangements and not feel guilty or pressured if they do not immediately, or ever, feel comfortable handling their finances in this way. You and your new spouse must agree on how separate or blended your finances will be.

It’s entirely normal to feel overwhelmed by the financial demands and responsibilities that come with marrying again and blending into a family. Some spouses must fully or partially providie financial support to ex-spouses and children, and they worry about stretching their income between two households.

It’s tough to accept new financial realities without also feeling some degree of resentment. We hear clients say, “What is his ex doing with the child support we send? I never see it put toward the kids…I’m tired of having to go without things because of the amount of child support my spouse pays.” Be aware that these thoughts and feelings will likely come up at one point or another; give your partner and yourself grace.

Another financial resentment that surfaces in remarriages is a disparity in the treatment of kids. We see this dilemma most when a former spouse spoils the children with events, trips, and material things that the stepsiblings do not also receive. The reality is that a stepparent’s former spouse might have the means to do more and buy more. You will have to explain to the kids that while you wish you could do more, life is not always fair. It’s a tough lesson for parents and kids alike.

If you and your spouse are struggling with conversations about money, seek an attorney or financial planner sooner rather than later. Remarriages are so common that most professionals have experience with these matters and can be quite helpful.

Money is a touchy subject. Ask the Lord to help you and your spouse be open and honest about all things related to finances. Thank Him for what He has provided to your family, and ask for his guidance.