Perfect Parents

Parenting is painful. Even when it goes well, it’s hard and long work. And when it goes badly, it can sink us to the depths of despair. Some of the hardest pastoral conversations are those with tearful parents whose children have gone off the rails, despite all they did to point the children to Jesus and call them to faith. Years of torturing questions haunt these parents: What did we do wrong? What about God’s faithfulness to his promises?

And there are those just starting out on this long journey and asking, “How can we ensure our children will be saved?” Parents often latch on to the latest Christian parenting fad that promises guaranteed results if they get everything lined up perfectly. Everyone’s anxious about what makes a perfect parent.

Our Children Need Salvation (22:6)

“Train up a child in the way he should go” (22:6). This implies there are ways that children should not go, but do go, and therefore need to be trained not to go. In other words, children are sinners who need salvation.

No matter how beautiful or innocent babies might look, whether they’ve been baptized or dedicated, they are sinners who need a Savior. They are born dead in trespasses and sins and go astray as soon as they are born, speaking lies (Pss. 51:5; 58:3).

Our sons and daughters are sinners from birth.

What can we do for them?

Our Children Need Education (22:6)

It is implied that there is a way children should go and that they need training to go there. Left to themselves, children will not go there, but with the right training, they can be directed to the right path.

So what training program should we follow? Not our own or anyone else’s, but God’s. We train children by instructing them in the Bible, teaching them to pray and praise, involving them in church, directing their morals, shaping their character, setting a good example before them, disciplining them when they err, sharing the gospel with them constantly, and calling them to repentance from sin and faith in Jesus Christ.

Make disciples of your children before making disciples of the nations.

What if we fail?

Parents Need Encouragement (22:6)

How do we persevere when all our efforts seem to have failed and our children go in the way they should not go?

That’s where Solomon’s encouragement comes in. “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (22:6). Like many proverbs, this should not be seen as a cast-iron promise or guarantee, but a general principle that is usually true but has some exceptions. Proverbs presents general aims and ideals, whereas Ecclesiastes, Job, and some of the Psalms deal with the complexities and seeming contradictions of life.

It’s a general principle that children will return to what their parents taught them even if they rebel for a time, even a long time. Solomon was to prove this true himself as he rebelled against God and backslid but returned later in life to the ways he should have gone, even though his parents had long since passed on.

Rebels can still be redeemed.

Changing Our Story with God’s Story

I’ve seen Proverbs 22:6 work out in my own wider family. I’ve seen family members come to faith later in life, long after their believing parents had died. Let’s continue to encourage ourselves in faithful parenting by putting our trust in our faithful Father. His parenting can do what our best parenting never can.

Summary: What is a perfect parent? Trust God as the only perfect parent, educating our children as he would and embracing his encouragement in the lengthy and lifelong process.

Question: How can you improve your parenting or faith in God’s parenting?

Prayer: Heavenly Father, you are the only perfect parent, and you have trained me in the way I should go. Help me to walk in these ways all my days for your pleasure and my parents’ delight.