Step 2: Resist The Urge To Become Defensive

Defending oneself is a natural urge. We all do it! But sometimes when we are in the middle of a tough conversation, we derail another person’s communication by jumping in to defend ourselves. Becoming too defensive is one quick way to cut short the path to learning—and it’s an especially useless response when we are not even being attacked.

In my experience, race is an especially hard subject to talk about. People fear being accused of racism or bias, so they quickly put their guards up. But when a person is willing to talk about their experiences—moments when they’ve endured pain, stereotyping, racial slurs, or other harmful words or actions—it’s imperative that we take it in and appreciate their vulnerability. Consider how listening to them is a great opportunity for learning and growth, even when what we hear doesn’t exactly feel nice. When we grow defensive in such moments, we take the reins and make the conversation about us instead. Scripture is full of endorsements of silence, so do your best to listen without interrupting when people have something hard to say.