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The Love Card

By Jelani Lewis

Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God.But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. —1 John 4:7–8 NLT

My wife and I have been married for just over a decade. We met when I interviewed her to be my assistant. (Don’t judge me! The Lord works in mysterious ways.) She and I laugh about it now because she technically turned me down for the job, but thankfully, she accepted me for life! Anyway, a few months after our wedding, an older pastor provided a profound piece of marital advice. She said, “When you get married, it’s like God hands you two playing cards. One card is the ‘love’ card, and the other one is the ‘change’ card. If you choose to play the change card on your spouse (meaning you spend your time, effort, and energy trying to change them or make them into what you think they should be), it’s like God says, ‘Well, fine, then I’ll just love them.’ However, if you choose to play the love card (meaning you spend your time, effort, and energy on how to best love your spouse), then God says, ‘Great. Now I’ll have the opportunity to change you both.’”

What’s interesting is there isn’t a single instance in Scripture when God calls us to change anyone. Yes, we are called to be influential light in a dark world. Yes, we are exhorted to be a city on a hill. And yes, our commission is to make disciples. However, what we won’t find are Scriptures that say, “Beloved, let us change one another,” or “A new command I give to you: as I have modified you, you should modify one another.” Or my personal favorite: “Fix thy neighbor.” I may have missed it on the YouVersion Bible app somewhere, but making people into what we want or think they should be isn’t found anywhere in the Holy Scriptures.

However, what we do find is a clear command to love. The apostle John writes in 1 John 4:7–8, “Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” Paul also echoes this sentiment when he encourages the believers at Corinth on the importance of love and helps them understand exactly what loving people look like: “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance” (1 Corinthians 13:4–7 NLT).

Jesus even challenges His disciples in Luke 6:35 to “love your enemies!” This doesn’t mean we resign ourselves to simply being a doormat. Nor does it mean we never address an issue or set a boundary. On the contrary, sometimes, the most loving thing we can do is set a boundary or speak the truth in love. Nevertheless, regardless of the situation, the question isn’t “How can I change them?” The question is “What does love look like?” And the great thing is love is a fruit of the Spirit, which means if we submit to the leading of the Holy Spirit and stay intimately connected to Jesus, God actually produces His love in us.

Like every couple, my wife and I have had our share of “animated” conversations over the years. Often the moments of my greatest frustration arise because she operates differently than I do (and of course, my way must be the right way). In the aftermath of those discussions, when I pause to listen to the Holy Spirit, He often whispers a simple question: “What does love look like?” The times I have chosen the love card, by the grace of God, I have seen Him do a work in my heart that often leads to transformation in both of us.

So today, let’s imagine we have been given two cards. Instead of trying to change everyone, what if we decide to submit to the Spirit, stay connected to Jesus, and simply love? Love our spouse, our children, and our siblings. Love our colleagues, classmates, and neighbors. And yes, even love our enemies. After all, if we play the love card, we might just give God an opportunity to change us all.

Prayer

Father, thank You for the gift of the Holy Spirit. Today, I submit to the leading of Your Spirit, and as I do, may Your love be produced in me. Help me choose today not to attempt to change everyone but, by Your grace, to love them. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

For Further Reflection

1. Ask the Holy Spirit if He is asking you to love someone whom you have focused on changing.
2. What is one practical way you may be able to express love toward that person today?