Self-control is Love

So often we can think of love as a feeling or a set of emotional reactions. Movies, books and songs portray love as something that happens to us that is virtually uncontrollable. “I love you” declarations are announced in romantic moments of realisation but what is someone really saying when they communicate those words? Is it that they have nice feelings when they’re with that person? Is it that they’re willing to do anything for that person, as long as the feelings last? Or is there something deeper to be discovered?

Counter to our modern interpretation, the Bible’s definition of love is not rooted in emotional experiences but in conscience commitments bursting out of desire to do what is right at every turn. Just look at the life of Jesus and see how he operated. Love is not an accidental consequence but a self-controlled attitude in every part of life. You might now be thinking, if love is about being self-controlled, is it just about trying really hard out of my own goodness to do what is right?

Just in the short two verses of 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 there is a list of nine traits of love and each one is based on a particular characteristic that requires an intentional choice. Do you notice that most of the list is phrased with ‘does not’? Paul does this because it contrasts with so much of what we’re naturally like. In our human nature we’re envious, boastful, proud and easily angered, but God’s type of love is totally different. His love is not self-seeking, instead it can’t wait to honour others. Whilst we must grow in self-control, this is not self-powered, but Spirit-powered.

The famous words of 1 Corinthians 13 are often read at weddings but they weren’t originally written with that in mind. In fact, the chapter is Paul’s word of rebuke to a church marked by great miracles and charisma, but lacking maturity and character. We can have all the feelings but lack any substance and God wants us to grow in ways where our self-control is active in making choices to love, even when it’s hard or beyond our human nature.