How to Cling to Hope in Loss

When loss comes, grief is often not far behind. Though the shock of pain or the adrenalin of the survival instinct may make us appear strong for a time, grief—“the inward desolation that follows losing something or someone we loved” (J.I. Packer, A Grief Sanctified, page 9)—will eventually find its way into every fiber of our being.

Grief follows the great losses that some of us walk through (death, infertility, abuse, a wayward child, and so on), and it follows the smaller yet still painful losses (financial issues, missed opportunities, disappointments). All are hard to navigate in a marriage.

Job knew loss. He lost everything—his livestock, servants, and every one of his children. In one fell swoop, his wealth, security, and family were stripped away. Yet, in response to unfathomable affliction, Job does something equally unfathomable: he shaves his head, falls to the ground, and worships the Lord.

This is unfathomable because it is so different than the way most of us, including Christians, respond to trials. In Western culture, we’re often uncomfortable with grief, doing our best to avoid the reality that death and decay (of people and things) is evidence that this world is wasting away. Instead, we strive to appear strong, think positive, and fill our lives with whatever will help mask the pain. Or, instead of allowing grief and loss to drive them to a greater hope, many avoid facing brokenness head on by relieving the deep ache with whatever will dull the pain.

Alternatively, sometimes as Christians we do grieve, but we think that while we grieve we can be excused from worshiping God—we’ll start living for him again once we feel better and the grief has faded.

How can we learn to respond as Job did? And why would we even want to?

GRIEF IS NOT A SIGN OF UNBELIEF

Don’t think that Job’s worship was in place of his grief, or that those who believe do not feel grief at all. As the pastor and author John Piper points out:

“The sobs of grief and pain are not the sign of unbelief. Job knows nothing of a flippant, insensitive, superficial ‘Praise God anyhow’ response to suffering. The magnificence of his worship is because it was in grief, not because it replaced grief. Let your tears flow freely when your calamity comes. And let the rest of us weep with those who weep.” (Job: Reverent in Suffering, desiringgod.org/messages/job-reverent-in-suffering, accessed 12/1/19)

It’s natural and right to grieve the losses and pain we experience in this life. Grief and tears are not a sign of weak faith, but a normal and healthy response to the brokenness of this world and the painful effects that it has upon our lives. The Bible tells us that this fallen world is not the place we were designed for. The place we were made for is coming, but it is not here yet. Until then, we have to learn to live in a land between—grieving but hoping, unsettled in the pain but at peace in Christ’s presence, worshiping in our pain.

Having hope doesn’t mean we won’t grieve. Having hope means we grieve with the confidence that “Christ will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you” (1 Peter 5 v 10).

REFLECT

• How would you characterize the way you respond to grief? Does your spouse seem to grieve in a similar or different manner?
• Have you believed the lie that grief is a sign of unbelief? If so, how would things change if you allowed yourself to fully grieve, understanding that, like Job, you can worship the Lord in your sorrow?
• (Together, if possible) Share how your spouse can be an encouragement to you as you grieve the loss or pain you have experienced. Share with each other what has helped and what has hurt in regards to navigating your sorrow as a couple.

PRAY

Heavenly Father, thank you that you give us permission to grieve over the trials that you have allowed into our lives. Like Job, help me to come to you honestly about my heartache and to trust that you can handle my pain, questions, and wavering emotions. But help me not to get stuck there. Give me the strength and faith to grieve with hope and offer you a sacrifice of worship, trusting that you will one day bring full redemption and restoration to all that we have lost. Protect our marriage as we learn to grieve alongside of each other, and help us to grow together as we look to you in our sorrow. Amen. 

For further meditation: Psalms 13, 88; 1 Thessalonians 4 v 13.