Just Show Up By Kara Tippettsનમૂનો

"The Battle of Insecurity"

JILL:

Early on in Kara’s journey, a group of girlfriends planned a time to pray for Kara. I didn’t learn about it until the photos were posted on Facebook. Those pictures surprised me because what followed was a hurt I didn’t want to admit. And even though I knew better—I knew it was an oversight that I wasn’t invited—I had a hard time shaking that feeling.

At one point during my friendship with Kara, I went into a real tailspin of insecurity. (A separate time than the prayer meeting incident. Yes, I’ve done this more than once.) Whispers ate at me, telling me that my friend wasn’t really my friend, that I wasn’t important to her.

And I sank into those lies.

Insecurity had me doubting and thinking about myself and my issues for weeks on end. And then, because I was embarrassed to even be thinking what I was thinking while my friend was sick, I buried those feelings.

But they didn’t go away. They ate at me.

One day, I finally came up with a plan. Every time I doubted or felt left out or questioned my relationship with Kara, I prayed for her. I didn’t ask for the strange feelings to be removed from me anymore. I changed tactics and began to pray for her. For her family.

The insecurities, for me, were instantly gone. Snap your fingers, Superman-fast gone. Just like that.

When Kara and I spoke of my insecurities, she told me I wasn’t the only one feeling that way. Others had had the same experience. Our ages or what place we filled in her life didn’t matter—many of us struggled with insecurities.

She told me something she’s told each person surrounding her: “You can trust me. You can trust in our friendship. There’s nothing wrong between us, and if there is, I’ll come to you about it.”

KARA:

“His was a gentleness of necessity. Not what He should or ought to do. But what He must. He lived as a man might live only near the end of his life, in a way that militates against putting off what one has to do.”

I have a friend who wrote those lines about Jesus. Even though I often fail, that’s how I’ve tried to live as a wife and mother and friend dying of cancer—with a gentleness of necessity. It’s kept the drama to a minimum. I’d love to tell you it’s done away with the drama entirely, but I’d be lying. There’s always a little drama. But the big dramas? I just don’t have time for them. I hope you smiled at that sentence, because I did.

A big part of showing up is admitting that we feel insecure about this or that. We may confess that to a friend, or it might be a conversation we have with ourselves. The main thing is that we don’t try to hide those feelings but instead shine a light on them. I’m convinced this is a daily practice.

We usually think about sins as the biggies—murder, theft, adultery, and so on. But if sin means “missing the mark,” then I’m pretty sure insecurity is fair game. Insecurity keeps you and me from living the kind of life God desires for us. We miss the mark. So confess to a friend or your spouse. You may find he or she is insecure too. Pray for each other, and then pay attention to the many ways God’s healing shows up in your lives.