Conversations With God: After Miscarriage & Pregnancy LossSample

Day VII: Continuing the Journey

This season was very trying, and I thought I would never get through it. But I am. Do I think of Solomon often? Yes. I do. Do I have days that seeing a baby, seeing somewhat pregnant, or partially being restored take me back to the cycle of grief; Yes. Do I think about Solomon as much as I used to when I first lost him? No, I don't. I had to learn not to feel wrong about that. It's okay. You will forever love your child. I will forever love Solomon. But, I had to learn to accept that I was his mother for the time I was supposed to be his mother, and that doesn't remove the fact that I have a child just because they aren't here. I love God. I love Solomon. I love my life. I never thought I could say that after losing Solomon, but I do.

I learned to live without Solomon because it was meant for me not to live with him on earth but to spend time with him in eternity in heaven. I love that. He is perfect. Protected. Loved. Pure. He has way more than I could've ever given him. I prayed for him so much; honestly, it's selfish of me to want him here when I know his life is way better with God.

As you continue this journey, do what's needed to honor your child and have a sense of saying goodbye when the time is right. There is no right way to honor them, no right way to heal them, and no right way to say goodbye. Do what you feel in your heart you are ready for during this time.

For me, I had a memorial for Solomon in my then-home. It was only my then-husband as well as my parents. I had him cremated and purchased an urn. I made a program, and I made a box. The funeral home even put his name on the grievance outdoor sign and a site up. Family members and friends wrote on the site, and I placed it in a box with his other items. I also wrote a letter.

This is my letter to my son. If it helps, write one to your child.

"I love you, Solomon. I am happy you are happy and have a beautiful life with God. You got to open your eyes in heaven with God, which is the best way to come into this world: with God. I wanted you here with me, but I want you with God even more. I'll see you one day. I'll get to see your face. I'll get to see your eyes. I'll hug you for the first time and hold your hand. Until then, until the day comes, I'll take care of your future brothers and sisters, and I hope you always watch over them with God." Love, your Mom.

I hope this devotional has begun the process of healing your heart and given you a place and space to allow God within your heart.

Was this plan helpful? If you would like to spend more days with me on this journey, we adapted this Plan from the book, Conversations with God: After Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss. Visit https://chloemgooden.com/ministries/ for more information.