Day 4: Power Struggles

After you’ve committed to someone and merged your two lives into one, there comes a point where you begin to miss your individuality. Stage four of a relationship is where we attempt to reconnect with our individuality. Before marriage, we were on our best behavior, so we wouldn’t dare put the relationship at risk. We did things we weren’t that fond of and went places we didn’t necessarily enjoy because we knew it would make the other person happy. But now, the ring is on, and the mask is off. We are freer with our opinions, however hurtful they may be. When confronted with our unmet expectations, we lash out, retreat into silence, or display passive-aggressive behavior. It seems like the differences between us are too vast to overcome.

Ephesians gives a strong directive for how husbands and wives are to behave towards one another in the face of power struggles. Wives are to submit to their husbands, and husbands are to lay their lives down for their wives as Christ did for the church. Conflict is inevitable in relationships, but it is how you choose to navigate the conflict that counts. Just as photographs are developed in a dark room, the dark times in your relationship can develop honor, submission, strength, and trust, if allowed. A wise person once advised me, “Choose to lose.” Jesus, the Son of God, was far more concerned with reconciling us to the Father than making sure the world knew He was right. Be like Jesus, and in your conflict, pursue reconciliation.

Rip up the list of reasons why your anger is justified and why you are right, and your partner is wrong. If you want to open up heaven over your home, choose to win by choosing to lose.